The Social and Emotional Needs of Gifted Parents

Yes … you read that right! The experts love to discuss the social and emotional needs of gifted children, but what about their parents? Sometimes they are ‘included’ in an article about social- emotional needs, but only concerning how it relates to their children. Bah.

Where do I begin? Talk to any parent of a gifted child and you hear … all about how gifted their child is. That’s it? What about you? You do have needs, too. Being a good parent to a gifted child can only be enhanced by discovering and meeting your own needs along the way.

Here’s how the story often goes: baby is born; baby discovers Socratic learning; pre-school years arrive and it appears the child doesn't quite fit in; child is assessed with uncommon abilities … parents left wondering (for the most part) … how did this happen? Parents begin down the path of discovering exactly what it means to be gifted. Surprise! It’s suddenly apparent that they are on a parallel path … to self-discovery.

It’s one thing to have a social-emotional child. It is quite another to be a parent with unmet social-emotional needs and try to parent that child. Society is quick to judge perceived ‘bad parenting’, but it has even greater disdain for parents of gifted children who don't get it right.

So what’s a parent to do? Let’s check in with the few experts who do understand that it’s a tough job parenting these kids. Since they're experts, it’s a sure bet a few strategies have been devised to deal with the situation.

Strategy No. 1: Hit the books and the Google before it’s too late! Since it would be a bit presumptuous to start during birthing classes, the next best thing would be to learn all you can about ‘giftedness’ once it has been determined that your child is showing signs of accelerated development … the sooner; the better.

Strategy No. 2: Find a peer group. How do you do that? Often times, other adult gifted people do not admit they are gifted or simply do not know it. That makes the search for peers rather difficult. The best place to start is with groups … online groups found in places like Facebook, Twitter, SENG, and offline groups such as state gifted organizations with local affiliates and gifted parent support groups.

Strategy No. 3: Admit your own giftedness. You don’t need an IQ test to realize that you are different. The Institute for the Study of Advanced Development has a fantastic that will make identification fairly simple. A few of the characteristics listed there include: out-of-sync with others; overwhelmed by interests; passionate, intense feelings; and love intense discussions.

Have I piqued your interest? It is as important to discover and work to meet your own needs as it is to do the same for your child. It will make you a better person and a better parent. Understanding who you are and why you are that way will bring hope and enjoyment into your life. You will no longer be defined by what you feel others think about you. Now, isn't that reason enough to start down the road to self-discovery?

I've included a few links below to get you started:

“” by Stephanie Tolan 

“” by Deirdre V. Lovecky 

“” by Stephanie Tolan 

“” (book) by Willem Kuipers 

“” by Willem Kuipers

“” (click filename) by Andrew S. Mahoney

Read more

Instructional Strategies for Higher Order Thinking

Earlier this year, I wrote a post on Instructional Strategies for Gifted Students. To date, it has been the most read post on this blog. An interesting comment on that post came from a teacher, “How do teachers find the time to coordinate the differentiation required to meet all students' needs? Any suggestions?”  This is a very important question as well as a very ‘telling’ question with regard to the state of teaching today. And, as a matter of fact, I do have some suggestions.

Differentiating for every student in a class of 30 or more students is no easy task. In fact, I think it’s safe to say that this rarely occurs in the majority of classrooms regardless of mandates. But is there a better way to meet the needs of every child without having to write 30 different lesson plans?

Parents of gifted students need to be cognizant of these types of issues in education because invariably it will affect your child if you choose to keep them in public education … and most of you will. So, what can a parent do to ensure that their own child’s needs are being met and that they are being challenged to meet their full potential?

Enter Higher Order Thinking as an instructional strategy. And what exactly is Higher Order Thinking? I like to ‘think’ of it as thinking beyond the test … thinking beyond rote memorization or simply retelling previously learned material. One needs to understandwhat they are learning and then connect their thoughts in meaningful ways to solve problems. Sounds good to me! One caveat though … there are many educators who strongly believe that Higher Order Thinking has no place in the classroom; that it is not a function of education.

This all begs the question … who teaches your child? Is it just the regular education teacher? The gifted education teacher? What about you? You have a responsibility to teach your child as well. Therefore, you need to know about Higher Order Thinking and how it can be taught both in your child’s classroom and at home.

Alice Thomas, M.Ed., and Glenda Thorne, Ph.D., in their article, “Higher Order Thinking” , state that Higher Order Thinking skills can be learned and that skill levels can be increased. And the best strategy for both teachers and parents is modeling! This may require some knowledge acquisition on your part. Thinking about thinking, metacognition, is an intricate part of Higher Order Thinking. Understanding how you think can improve how you think. Therefore, one way to model Higher Order Thinking is to explain to your children why you think the way you do. Make sense?

In her piece for Edutopia, “Ten Takeaway Tips for Teaching Critical Thinking” , Mariko Nobori provides teachers with some excellent strategies for teaching students to think at a higher level which include embedding questions in their lessons, prompting students with provocative questions, providing tools such as “sentence starters and connectors”, modeling expectations, encouraging constructive controversy, choosing topics that interest students, employing Socratic discussions, using different methods of assessment, allowing students to evaluate each other, and letting students lead the discussion. Parents can use these techniques as well in their everyday interactions with their gifted child. 

Why is this so important? In 2008, Tony Wagner wrote the book, The Global Achievement Gap, in which he details the dangers inherent in failing to educate our children to become critical thinkers with the ability to solve ever-increasingly difficult global problems. In the 21^stcentury, employers put a premium on workers who have these skills and can effectively use them. Parents, too, need to put a premium on these skills for their children to become effective problem solvers. Innovation and creativity are both enhanced by Higher Order Thinking as an integral part of the process.

Higher Order Thinking as a teaching strategy encompasses a student’s world both in and out of the classroom. It can be used by both teachers and parents. Its effective use can overcome the brain’s natural inclination to limit incoming information and can encourage our children to become open to creative thought processes and new ideas.

Read more

Connecting, Collaborating, Empowering Your Gifted Child

I have written about social media on several occasions – okay, on many occasions – well, maybe it’s a borderline obsession – but honestly, it’s just that important. Once your child connects and collaborates, they will be empowered to make a difference in the world. As a parent, it should be the newest tool in your toolbox.

What is at issue is teaching your child how to use social media to its fullest potential for their benefit and the benefit of others. Most gifted kids do not need to be instructed on how to use social media to connect with friends. They.get.it. It’s that ‘full potential’ aspect that is critical and too often missing.

Guy Kawasaki in his book, Enchantment, takes you on a journey to “learn how to change the hearts, minds, and actions of people” by building long-term relationships with other people in order to realize your passions and dreams. He discusses “push technology” - how to use e-mail, Twitter, and PowerPoint to spread your message to those you want to influence and “pull technology” - how to use blogs, YouTube, Facebook, and LinkedIn to bring people to you. This is a skill that once mastered by gifted children will benefit them their entire lives.

While other kids are updating their status on Facebook about where the next party is, your child can be connecting with kids all around the globe concerning issues about which they are passionate. Perhaps they will participate in a Socratic seminar at a virtual conference two continents away with people from 30 other countries on solving the Earth’s need for clean water. It is a learning experience as well as a potential opportunity to cultivate leadership skills. By gaining new knowledge, they can be empowered to take the next step to connect with mentors and world class educators to find a solution and implement it.

Social media is a spawning ground for collaboration. In his post, “”, author JR Johnson illustrates the benefits that come when our children reach out to those with whom they share common passions; they develop a mutual understanding of each other. In turn, positive change can happen through friendships forged in this manner; it changes the way in which they look at people different from themselves.

Building an effective Personal Learning Network (PLN) is often the first step in developing quality relationships. Andrew Marcinek in “” , reminds educators of the need to “promote critical thinking, questioning, and constrictive criticism.” He goes on to emphasize the need for students to become active members of PLNs by posting and sharing. In this way, they move “beyond simple connections that they get, and really empower their voices, abilities, and talents.” Ultimately, the PLN becomes a support group where they feel free to share new ideas.

There are many opportunities available for kids to connect. Here are some links to get you started:

•

•

•

•

Connecting online is important in the lives of gifted children. It is a global resource for kids to build friendships with their intellectual peers. The potential of social media to empower them is priceless. The key will be parents who mentor their children in building these relationships.

Read more

The ABC’s of a Gifted Child

One of the first words a gifted child discovers is the word “aha”! This is when they realize that they understand things others do not; especially their peers. The next word is a no-brainer for gifted parents – the dreaded “b” word. You know … bored! Fortunately, the solution comes in the form of the “c” word – challenge.

Research in gifted education continues to reveal that gifted children need to be challenged and when they are … amazing things begin to happen! And when they aren’t – which is far too often – their world becomes dark and lonely.

As the parent, it becomes incumbent upon you to do your best to challenge your child whenever possible. Most parents work very hard at getting schools to provide challenging work, but that leaves a significant amount of time to be filled. It may seem overwhelming at first, but dealing with the consequences of having a bored child can be much more difficult in the long run.

One of the best ways to challenge a gifted child is to engage them in conversation. Make it meaningful! Find out what interests them and then do some research on the topic so that you can talk to them intelligently. Discuss current events and world issues. Don’t be afraid to talk over their level of understanding. (Schools use this technique by accelerating students, offering dual enrollment in higher grades, or ability-grouping.) They will catch up before you know it. And play devil’s advocate once in awhile. Remember, they aren’t always going to agree with you on everything. Once they make up their minds on an issue … well, you know! It actually can be very stimulating and enjoyable for both parent and child. I like to call it, “gifted bonding”.

As your child gets older, rigor needs to be introduced into the way in which they are challenged. Sometimes, parents need to seek help at his point. An excellent choice is to find a mentor for your child in the area of their interests. A mentor can introduce higher level thinking which will motivate a child to learn more and reduce the stress which comes from being bored. Introducing more and more complex critical thinking tasks can improve a student’s growth in that area considerably. It enables a student to have a more positive self-image academically.

Another excellent source for finding challenging opportunities is to enroll your child in academic summer camps in your area, gifted classes (such as, Super Saturdays) at nearby universities, and national programs that can be located on the Internet. Peer-socialization is an important bonus with these activities. Friendships made here can last a life-time and provide long-term benefits in helping your gifted child to understand that they are not alone.

It’s important to remember that all the effort that goes into parenting a gifted child can pay off with incredible dividends in their lives. It is such an awesome experience to see that smile when they fulfill their goals and come to realize that it was their parents who supported them all the way!

Read more

Thinking About Thinking

The thought occurred to me recently that I like to think. Furthermore, I like to think about thinking [metacognition]. My ability to do this is an integral part of my humanity. Perhaps that is why I find it so appealing. I like thinking so much that I decided to research the ‘idea’. It turns out that a lot of people … intelligent people … have been thinking about thinking for a very long time. I learned (although I think I already knew) that there are many different kinds of thinking – critical thinking, creative and innovative thinking, purposive-kinetic thinking, meditative thinking (a favorite of mine), and hyper-alert instinctive thinking. Who would have thought there were so many ways to think?

But this is a blog about gifted parenting and the children they parent. I've come to the conclusion that teaching gifted students how to think more effectively is the most important thing we can teach them. It provides fuel for their insatiable curiosity. It trumps subject matter, job training, gym class, and learning how to select color coordinated outfits for the first day of school. By encouraging gifted children to think and providing them with an environment conducive to good thinking, we help them to fulfill their potential as leaders, problem-solvers and decision-makers.

Teaching any type of thinking seems to go in and out of fashion more often than mini-skirts. But, it’s no laughing matter. It is, in fact, critical that we encourage critical thought. Parents play an important role in this facet of their child’s education. Some would argue that critical thought is second-nature to gifted children. It may be for some, but our society has de-valued the need for it in many insidious (classroom inclusion comes to mind) ways and our children will suffer the consequences.

So, where did the idea of critical thinking come from? Most people would agree that Socrates had a lot to do with it. He loved to ask questions! In fact, it was his fellow Greeks that gave us the word ‘critical’ – kritikos – being able to discern or judge. Socratic questioning can be used to develop critical thought because it seeks a depth of understanding in a systematic way while considering the plausibility and truthfulness of the answers being sought. In 1605, Sir Francis Bacon defined critical thinking as a “desire to seek, patience to doubt, fondness to meditate, slowness to assert, readiness to consider, carefulness to dispose and set in order; and hatred for every kind of imposture [fraud].” I think he summarized it quite nicely.

In her article, (Roeper Review, August 1994), Stephanie Tolan writes, “Our relentless focus on achievement rather than the unusual mental processing that constitutes giftedness makes the necessary recognition and understanding difficult if not impossible for many.” She goes on to say, “… it is in childhood that the gifted individual begins to form that critical sense of self, his initial understanding of his own mental processing, his own mind.” This speaks to the crux of the matter – gifted children have a unique capacity for critical thinking.

“… it is in childhood that the gifted individual begins to form that critical sense of self, his initial understanding of his own mental processing, his own mind.”

Why don’t many of our schools teach critical thinking? Critical thinkers have a knack for challenging the status quo. And the status quo likes things just the way they are. It can be difficult to control a thinking populace. Another consideration to keep in mind is that teachers of critical thinking really need to know what they’re talking about! It’s one thing to teach ‘out of the book’ … something administrators continually stress to their faculty as a good thing … it’s quite another thing to reach outside the box! Finally, critical thinkers are truth seekers and what constitutes ‘truth’ these days has been marred by charlatans posing as media experts and politicians as well.

Zoe Burgess, in a recent blog post, asked the question, “?” She provides excellent suggestions for how critical thinking can be taught and cultivated through modeling by the teacher, project-based learning, cross-curriculum teaching, and service learning. Assessing this type of learning requires the teacher to move out of their comfort zone. One must possess the ability to pose questions of students which will allow them to demonstrate their depth of understanding.

As the parent of a gifted student, where do you start? Provide your child with a place to think; an area with resources to aid in thinking. Encourage them to get rest and provide a healthy diet. Value their independent thinking through discussion and listening to your child. Prompt their thinking through Socratic questioning. In their book, , Drs. Richard Paul and Linda Elder list 9 strategies that students can use themselves to develop critical thinking. The full list can be found . They include using wasted time, keeping an intellectual journal, and by redefining the way one thinks about oneself. Good advice for students and parents alike!

Read more