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The Heartaches and Joys of Raising a 2E Child

If ever there was an example of ‘with knowledge comes strength’, I’d say that being the parent of a twice exceptional child must be it. Unless you experience it, you’ll probably never understand the heartaches and joys.

Before your child ever steps through the door of school on his first day, you will have already realized that something isn’t quite right. He is often functioning on a higher intellectual level than his classmates, but his test scores and later grades do not bear this out. Soon, the phone calls begin from his teachers. Johnny didn’t finish his worksheets in class today. Johnny isn’t putting forth his best effort. Johnny won’t follow my directions. Johnny doesn’t pay attention when I’m talking. And then the concerns become accusations. Johnny is lazy. Johnny disrupted class today. Johnny isn’t going to amount to anything. Have you considered medication the teacher asks?

As a parent, you don’t know what to do. You turn to friends and relatives who all too often echo the sentiments of your child’s teachers. Your life can seem like it is being turned upside down. You don’t know where to turn for help. You wonder why this is happening to your child. He is so smart and so different at the same time.

Finally, someone tells you that Johnny must be evaluated. This is the beginning of the ‘please complete this form’ journey that seems to go on forever. If you live in the U.S., it is also the time when you must begin to deal with insurance companies. The parent of a twice-exceptional child soon learns two things: 1) evaluations and outside testing are required by schools in order to qualify for ‘services’ within the school district and 2) the insurance company will not cover the tests if they are deemed in any way related to education. This catch-22 can often prevent a parent from seeking help … help that is very much needed. It is an insidious underlying but rarely reported reason for why some 2E kids drop-out in high school; they never receive the help they need because parents don’t understand the system. Do not dismay. It doesn’t have to be this way. The testing can proceed with a certified psychologist as a psychological service. If you cannot afford the testing, your school should be able to provide the information for free services in your area. Never be afraid to ask for help.

There are so many resources available today online. Not only can you read about dual-exceptionalities, but there are organizations available to assist you. It’s as simple as a Google or Twitter search for “2E” or dual-exceptionality. You will find that not only are you not alone, you have significant company. There is solace to be found when you discover others who have made the very same journey you are on.

There are joys, too. Once you are able to help your child cope with the frustrations of being twice-exceptional and learn techniques essential to living a fulfilling life – you will experience the joy of seeing them succeed. It is a long and winding path with many pitfalls along the way. However, many successful people in our world today were once diagnosed as 2E. With your support, your child, too, will shine!

Starting the School Year on a Positive Note

Catchy title. Sounds like a good idea. Sounds like a great idea! New school year – a new start you tell yourself. This year will be different. You’ll meet with your child’s teacher before school starts to head off any problems.

You schedule a meeting, gather together some articles you’ve collected over the summer about gifted children and perhaps a copy of last year’s grades or a few assignments, and walk into the meeting with all smiles. To your surprise, the smiles soon turn to grimaces and your suggestions are met with disdain and impatience. The teacher reminds you that there will be 27 children in the class this year due to budget cuts. The soft music playing in the background starts to become annoying. “Would you like a cookie?” Not really. Dismayed as you leave the meeting with a knot in your stomach; you say to yourself, “Now I know how my child feels everyday he walks into this school.”

Overly dramatic? You may be fortunate enough to live in an area where the teachers have actually had some professional development classes in gifted education, but chances are this scenario is all too familiar.

So what’s a gifted parent to do? Year after year, you try everything you know to help your child. In the beginning, you are treated as an annoyance. As the years go by, you are labeled a ‘helicopter parent’. Do you leave your child in this school or try something else? You explore the options. Private school … too expensive. Homeschool … you have to work or don’t feel you have the adequate skills to provide your child a quality education. Cyber-school … you would still need to be home to supervise. Move to another school district … not economically feasible. Charter school … how would you know if it is any better than the public school and your child complains she don’t want to leave her friends?

If none of the alternatives are plausible, you decide to stick it out and make the best of the situation. Being the parent of a gifted child is not easy. It takes a lot of work. But you can find solace when you discover that you are not alone.

The world is rapidly changing due to the explosive growth of technology. The Internet has become a mechanism for bringing people together in unprecedented ways. And this is a game changer for gifted parents. This is where your options grow and your child’s future becomes brighter.

By utilizing social media platforms, gifted parents can join together to locate resources and educate themselves, realize they are not alone, increase interaction with their child’s school and teachers, find a life coach or gifted education facilitator, or join a community of gifted parents without having to worry about how to get to the next meeting at the school.

The possibilities are endless and too numerous to list here. As a brief introduction, consider joining a group on Twitter such as #gtchat and then follow other group members to accelerate your learning curve on gifted education. Communicate with teachers via email or suggest a classroom group on Facebook where the teacher and parents can build rapport through shared resources. Form a parent group at your local school and then schedule meetings via #hashtag on Twitter once a month. Develop a PLN … personal learning network … those people you meet who provide you with knowledge and skills to meet the challenges of gifted parenting. Discover the world of Second Life; your personal access to learning by way of an avatar in a virtual world. Suggest to your school that they consider connecting to the world through Skype. This can be extremely important to rural schools. Explore videos on YouTube concerning gifted education; not only to increase your knowledge but to find inspiration.

Sure … gifted parenting isn’t easy and it’s not something you choose, but connecting with other parents online has made the job a whole lot simpler. Good luck as the new school year begins. Embrace technology and use it to start this school year on a positive note!

The Most Important Election

It is the most important election in which you should participate. No, it is not the election for president or head of state. It is the election of the local governing board which oversees your child’s school. At the local level, this body wields an enormous amount of power and authority over your life; whether you’re a parent or not. It may not be the case in all countries, but whatever body has control over your school system and is elected; then that’s the election about which you should be concerned.

The notion of just how important my vote was really struck home this week as I sat in a local school board meeting. I must admit that I haven’t attended many of these meetings, but probably more than most in the local community. I live in a small town, so I am familiar with most of the members of our school board. On this particular night, I wished that I had paid much more attention to their election. Not so much because of the issues they were deciding, but because many seemed so lacking in knowledge and out of touch.

Our school board is the final authority on the hiring and firing of all district personnel from the administration to teachers to the janitorial staff. They vote on the funding for everything from textbooks to which sports will be played and extracurricular activities offered to teachers’ contracts. In essence, they determine the quality of education your child will receive.

In the past year, budgets for gifted education have been slashed throughout the U.S. and many parts of the world. With the exception (or not) of those school board members who are gifted parents, the likelihood that they firmly believe all of the myths surrounding gifted education is pretty much a given. The idea that their constituency may include the next Jonah Salk or that supporting gifted students could affect national security is far beyond their consciousness. Their main concerns are tax payers and the disgruntled parent whose child was wronged in some way.

In my opinion, gifted parents need to understand the entire power structure in their local schools and vote according to their vested interest in gifted education. They need to attend school board meetings as a group and continually hold board members accountable. Parents must remind the board that their primary responsibility is the quality of education made available to all students. Parents should voice their opinion over cuts to gifted programs. A parent can attend all the IEP (individual education plan) meetings and parent-teacher conferences they want, but it won’t matter if the funding isn't there. When a school board member looks at cutting a sports program that generates revenue for the school or cutting a gifted teacher, it isn't rocket science which will go first.

The most effective step gifted parents can take to have their voices heard by their local school boards is to join together in advocacy groups and influence local elections by voting for candidates who respond to their concerns and understand the importance of gifted education. If you are fortunate to have the right to vote, exercise that vote and make a difference in your child’s life!

The Gifted Dinner Table

Ah … the idyllic portrait of the family sitting at the table sharing a meal together engaged in lively conversation about the day’s events. A Norman Rockwell moment. The perfect setting for family togetherness.

Ok … time to rewind this reel! Chances are you’re the parent of a gifted child or children if you are reading this post, and these ‘dinner-time-moments’ are more like a stint on the high school debate team or a serious discussion about the fate of the planet rather than an episode of the Brady Bunch. Emotional intensity combined with intellectual ability often collides in such settings. It has ‘movie script in the category of drama’ written all over it.

So, what do these conversations sound like and when do parents decide to be teacher, coach, or active participant? Well, the subject usually sets the tone. The probability that all present are intellectually gifted will almost certainly increase the likelihood of debate. The concept of being ‘opinionated’ takes on a whole new meaning and then parents must become referees. At this point, the appeal of eating in a minivan where every occupant is firmly secured by a seatbelt or other restraint can be pretty attractive when considering where your family will gather for their next meal.

Few families actually eat meals together around a table, but it’s a good idea to try to do so whenever your schedule permits. Gifted children learn very quickly that their opinion is something to be valued. They will also learn how to stand up for what they believe in and how to defend their position. Honing these skills will help them in every facet of their lives.

The Journey

When a baby is born, it is rare that a parent’s first thought is … “Wow, my baby is gifted”! Every new life is precious and special. That is the way it should be. Every child comes with a set of gifts to be discovered. These very gifts are what make each child unique. This precise idea becomes the focal point when a child is identified as intellectually gifted. It is where perception and reality collide and the mythology takes over. How parents react to the myths surrounding giftedness will change their child’s life forever.

Parenting gifted children requires a skill-set that is often developed through on-the-job training. Until recently, few handbooks or how-to books even existed on coping with giftedness in children. Birthing classes do a good job of disseminating information on delivery, care, and feeding of a baby. But how do you respond to a baby who carries on a conversation with you just as they are beginning to walk or correctly identifies a sign for a favorite store from their carseat? What do you do if they show all the signs of readiness for kindergarten, but haven’t enrolled in pre-school yet? What do you do if you think they are ready for their first library card before they even start school?

Gifted parents face harsh realities early on. If they try to advocate too early, they are labeled as pushy, arrogant or misguided about their child’s abilities. Battles with school districts and their ‘in-the-box’ mentality can take a heavy toll on parents and entire families. In what other part of society are the best and brightest marginalized as much as they are in our educational system?

My solution is to relax and enjoy the time with your gifted child. Yes, there will be battles fought and you will most certainly be discouraged at times. Yes, your child may be defiant and precocious. Yes, you may have to cope with a child who is diagnosed as 2E – both gifted and learning disabled or health impaired. Yes, you may have to give a little extra of yourself to support their intellectual requirements by making difficult decisions concerning their education or how to meet their social-emotional needs. But there will also be those ah-ha moments as well when they grow into adulthood. The journey lasts a lifetime, so you might as well enjoy it!

What America’s Founding Fathers Had to Say About Gifted Education

In the U.S., people always place a lot of importance on what the founding fathers said. My first reaction is – why? It was over 200 years ago and much has changed since then. This is especially true in the field of education. And … the concept of gifted education didn’t even exist back then. Or did it?

I decided to do a little research on the subject and lo and behold, there was Thomas Jefferson advocating gifted education. He didn’t call it ‘gifted education’, but he did talk about it in terms that anyone connected to the field today would recognize.

In 1779, Jefferson introduced the Bill of General Diffusion of Knowledge. I liked that. Diffusing knowledge – what a novel idea! His intention was to provide free public education to all children for 3 years and then from a pool of the most talented students, provide further free education to develop those talents. He reasoned that the brightest students were destined to become future leaders. Of course, the bill failed; just as it would today. It seems the American colonists were fearful of higher education leading to the establishment of an aristocracy in a young nation which had been created in part as a reaction to this very thing. Sound familiar? Myth #87: gifted education promotes elitism!

In true political correctness, pretty much everybody opposed Jefferson’s idea. Horace Mann believed it would be the downfall of society as they knew it. Universal education – homogenizing instruction that everyone can understand – became the bedrock of education in America. And so it is to this day. Annual yearly progress. Everyone on the same page. Don’t read ahead. Stay with the class.

This brings me back to the founding fathers. How did they get to be the leaders of a new nation? Many of them received what would today be considered a ‘gifted education’. Jefferson had a private tutor for most of his early youth and then attended the College of William and Mary to study law. Alexander Hamilton studied at King’s College – one of today’s most ivy of ivy-league institutions; Columbia University. James Madison attended Princeton University; then known as the College of New Jersey. All were expected to master Latin and Greek. All were expected to be ‘well read’, i.e., Virgil, Plato, and Herodotus. Could you imagine a high school senior being required to be that prepared for college today?

So … at least one founding father had something to say about gifted education. And no one listened to him. Funny how some things never change.

When Should I Start Planning for College for My Gifted Child?

Many people come to me about planning for college. Unfortunately, their children are often already in the last years of high school.

If you are the parent of a gifted child, you need to start planning for college the moment they are identified. As a substitute teacher in gifted classes, I regularly brought up the subject with elementary students. Some parents balked at this being a topic of discussion. My advice to them was, "Just wait. You'll wish you had started planning now!"

Most gifted children develop asynchronously; intellectual level not being in sync with maturity level. While playing with Barbie or the latest video game, they are just as comfortable discussing what they'd like to study in college and where. They can enjoy both activities without missing a beat in their social-emotional development.

As the years go by, you will recognize whether your child is an academic overachiever, a gifted underachiever, or somewhere in between. Understanding your child is key to planning for college.

Gifted parents need to educate themselves about the college admissions process. Some things to consider are your ability to pay for college in 10 to 12 years, academic scholarships and grants, understanding the role of a school's endowments and how they affect the cost of attendance, and the branding of your gifted child to achieve recognition from the best universities.

Your child may be brilliant. However, if you don't take the time to research this issue, you may loose out on many financial opportunities and ultimately risk your child's ability to attend the college of their choice.

Plan now or pay later. This becomes just another facet of your job description as the parent of a gifted child.

This is Our Moment

In clinching his party's nomination for president, then candidate Barack Obama made his famous 'This is our moment' speech. In it he stated, "Tonight we mark the end of one historic journey with the beginning of another ... This is our moment. This is our time. Our time to turn the page on the policies of the past.

Regardless of your politics or country of origin, many great advances in history have come at seemingly dark moments. Resolution of problems are born out of humankind seeking different approaches and new opportunities.

Gifted advocacy is at this point. The global economic crisis has sent financial support spiraling downward with no end in site. Gifted education funding always seems to be the first item on the chopping block.

Amidst all the negative news, there is hope and it is being driven by technology. The very nature of the problem is also the solution. Lack of support by politicians and the general populace is being countered by the gifted themselves. Online communities are forming throughout the world such as #gtchat on Twitter. Great minds are being brought together with the simple idea that our future depends on supporting those minds who have the capacity to make the world a better place.

Politicians will try to build walls and seek support from the very constituencies they created who cannot understand how their education was usurped from them under the guise of 'test results will mean you are smarter'. It is the role of gifted advocates to say enough is enough! If governments are unwilling to support the gifted, then they will simply do it on their own.

This leads to the premise of this post. In terms of supporting our gifted children - this is OUR moment; this is OUR time! Funding really isn't the issue; SUPPORT is the issue. Realizing the magnitude of the consequences for not supporting gifted children is what needs to be understood by the world's leaders. Mindsets need to be changed and attitudes toward the gifted need to be adjusted.

It is incumbent upon this generation ... parents... to support the next generation ... our children. It is not a matter of 'if', but of 'when'. The time is now! Nations who do not come to the realization that supporting their gifted youth is a matter of great opportunity will fall behind those who had the foresight to do so.

The Language of Gifted Education

It can sometimes seem like you need to learn an entire new language when you enter the world of gifted education. In many countries, "gifted" education falls under the umbrella of special education which may be disconcerting to some parents. This, however, is simply the recognition that gifted children learn in different ways.

The first term you will probably hear is identification which is simply the process used to determine if a child qualifies for the gifted program in their school. It usually involves a series of tests administered by a certified school psychologist including an IQ test (130 and above is generally considered gifted). The age at which these tests are given is normally determined by the school. Recently, New York City schools made the news when they decided to test students in their kindergarten programs. Additional criteria might include parent or teacher recommendations, achievement tests, and a history of when development milestones were reached.

Once all the data is collected, a team of educators, psychologists, guidance counselors, and school administrators meet to determine the best placement for your child. The team will generate a report containing their findings and recommendations. Remember that you, as the parent, have the right to challenge this report if you disagree with any part of it.

Once your child qualifies for special services, you will be invited to meet with school officials to develop a gifted IEP (individualized education plan). At this meeting, it is important that you or your child's advocate (if present) take detailed notes concerning what is said by everyone present. The GIEP should include your child's present level of performance, standardize test scores, expectations in each subject area and how the school intends to assist your child - enrichment, pull-out, project-based learning, acceleration and/or grade skipping to name just a few. Make sure that everything you agree to is included in the final written IEP. In the U.S., you will also be provided with information concerning parental rights and who to contact if these rights are violated.

This brings us to two more terms you need to know - mediation and due process. When you encounter a disagreement with the school district , you can request a mediator to review your case and recommend a solution. This should always be the first step. All parties can work together and hopefully come to an agreement. If this does not resolve the issue, due process is the next step. A word of caution; due process is a formal hearing and in most cases, the findings are non-binding. Do not proceed to this stage unless you have detailed documentation and know exactly what you hope to gain. An advocate is highly recommended! Unfortunately, you should also be aware that sometimes your child may be the target of retaliation by school officials. The decision is yours and hopefully you won't have to get to this point.

Empathy in a Global Society & Implications for Gifted Children

Empathy can be defined in many ways. In today’s world, empathy is expressed in relation to circumstances. Locally, an individual may or may not express empathy for another individual. Nationally, a government may display empathy for its citizens. Globally, it becomes manifest when a person or society is able to perceive and respect cultures other than one’s own.

What connection is there between empathy and gifted parenting? Global empathy needs to be fostered in gifted children because these children have the potential of becoming academic, corporate and governmental world leaders. It will be incumbent upon them to display empathy toward the cultures with which they interact. It is in fact a much sought after quality in persons who function in high-level positions. We need look no further than the recent disaster in the Gulf of Mexico. The inability of BP’s corporate leaders to assess the public’s outrage surrounding the oil leak and then deal with it was stunning. The CEO displayed an incredible lack of empathy. After being relieved of his public duties, he returned home to watch a yacht race while thousands of people were watching their livelihoods from the oceans disappear!

All parents want their children to be happy and find fulfillment in life. Parents of gifted children are no different. Professional achievements may be easy for the gifted child, but empathizing with others often proves more difficult and sometimes unattainable. These children are often seen as being able to quickly know how others feel about them, but that does not always translate into empathy for the other person. Gifted individuals may show deep concern for ‘issues’ such as global warming or the plight of endangered species, but in relation to themselves.

Being able to demonstrate empathy can bear many fruits for a gifted child. Friendship begins with empathy. Interpersonal relationships can be difficult for gifted children. They often fail to see shared traits or interests with other children their age. They themselves can feel misunderstood by their peers. Empathy bridges the gap between gifted and others. Empathy is both a precedent as well as antecedent to compassion (). When a child feels compassion for someone else, he or she may begin to discover similarities. This eventually forms the foundation of friendship.

So how does one ‘teach’ empathy? You must first understand its meaning. Simon Baron-Cohen describes empathy as “understanding the other’s feelings and the ability to take their perspective” as well as the observer being able to make the “appropriate emotional response to another person’s emotional state.” (Baron-Cohen, The Essential Difference, 2003). The best way to teach empathy is by modeling it. As mentioned above, gifted children are keen observers of other people’s emotions and are able to grasp the meaning of these emotions at a very early age. Parents can guide these young minds to see the importance of responding to these emotions in a positive way, thus enhancing their relationships with others and the quality of their own lives.

The world as a global society becomes more apparent everyday. The role of gifted individuals transcends national boundaries and their leadership will prove pivotal in the direction taken in worldwide relationships. Parenting becomes more of a challenge with these higher stakes but the rewards are fantastic! A world in which its leaders can display effective empathy will be a world of peace and prosperity.