Choosing the right college for gifted students: the fit factor

April is a mixed bag, full of contradictions. It brings gorgeous flowers…along with seasonal allergies. It also marks the end of the long decision-making process for many high school seniors deliberating over choosing the “right” college. A time of excitement and joy for some, , and chaos and confusion for many more, April can wreak havoc on students and families who must wrestle with this critical decision.

Identifying the “right” college for a gifted, high ability student carries an additional burden. Just when advocating for appropriate educational services might seem to be over, the weighty impact of choosing the best college looms large. What is best for a gifted child? Is it a high-reach, tippy-top ivy league or liberal arts school? A small, non-traditional college where the student receives a lot of individual attention? A prestigious technology school?  A large university with an honors college? Or is a moderately competitive school where the student feels less academic pressure and can stand out as a leader the best option? How much actual choice do students really even have, given the highly competitive admissions process, the sobering reality of cost (or financial aid availability), and the mitigating variables that impact every student's decision, such as location, weather, school size, proximity to home, and course of study?

The right fit may be the most important criteria for success. But what exactly is fit? And how does a gifted student determine what fit is right for him or her? Fit is that intangible, hard to describe feeling a person experiences when he or she feels comfortable, challenged and supported. It occurs in situations where there is sufficient safety, encouragement, respect, and social support, along with creative and intellectual challenge. Most gifted students have weathered enough academic and social experiences in high school to possess some sense of what they find intellectually stimulating or boring. They know where they feel comfortable socially and what types of individuals appeal to them.

The fit factors that gifted students need to consider along with other variables when selecting a college include the following:

      1. How important is my peer group to me? Is it critical for me to be with like-minded peers who are similar intellectually, or am I comfortable with a variety of interests, outlooks and abilities? Did I blend in easily with peers of all abilities in high school, or did I primarily gravitate toward the other gifted students? Was I uncomfortable with students who were different and sometimes feel like an outsider? Or did I enjoy being different, and appreciate standing out as a leader or being recognized for my strengths?

      2. Is a challenging intellectual environment critical? Would I feel bored if I had to sit through classes that were not stimulating? On the other hand, if I was able to “slide by” academically in high school, am I up to the challenge of a demanding workload?  Is it time to pick up the pace and actually challenge myself for the first time? If I was a perfectionist in high school, do I need to consider how I will feel in an environment where I do not always succeed at everything? Would competition with equally talented peers create too much stress?

   

      3. Does the school offer creative, challenging outlets for involvement beyond classroom assignments? Are the faculty readily accessible for consultation and willing to encourage creative involvement? Will I have opportunities for the extra-curricular activities I enjoy, can I pursue topics of interest in depth, and will I have the freedom to design a program that allows me to grow intellectually and creatively?

      4. Where do I think I will fit in the best? Where do I see myself feeling the most comfortable, respected, well-liked, supported, challenged, and inspired? Where can I have fun in a way that allows me to pursue my interests and be true to myself? Where can college be a catalyst toward personal and professional growth, rather than a distraction from accomplishing my goals? Identifying a list of personal needs regarding fit and prioritizing them can be invaluable.

While the above questions are suitable for any college-bound student, they are particularly relevant for gifted teens, since the stakes are so high. Gifted individuals can become impatient with slow-paced, rote learning and will lose interest in a program that is not appropriately challenging. If a gifted student is surrounded by peers who are bored, disinterested, and not engaged in class, or if the teaching is substandard, the student may lose respect and interest, and also disengage. If the student feels ostracized by peers, cannot find an accepting group of friends, or is unable to identify any activities of interest, he or she will be unfulfilled. What is most important is to envision how it  would be to live, eat, sleep, learn and play at a particular school, and how this will facilitate your educational, personal and professional growth. What will be the right fit for you?

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The Misdiagnosis Initiative: An Interview with Dr. James Webb

Note: This is a cross-post from the Global #gtchat Powered by the Texas Association for the Gifted and Talented blog. As moderator of #gtchat, this interview was conducted to raise awareness of the issue of misdiagnosis.

Dr. Webb, thank you for taking the time to talk to us about this important issue to the gifted community. Parents and educators of gifted and twice-exceptional children have long struggled with the consequences of misdiagnosis and how to approach their health care professionals about the matter.

Moderator:   What is The Misdiagnosis Initiative and why did SENG decide to promote it at this time?

Dr. Webb:   The Misdiagnosis Initiative is SENG’s latest effort to make parents and professionals aware of the possibility that gifted children and adults may be misdiagnosed as having ADHD, Asperger’s OCD, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Bipolar, or other behavioral disorders, and that many of them may be placed inappropriately on medication. Additionally, SENG is raising awareness concerning twice-exceptional gifted children—i.e., those who are gifted yet do, in fact, have a disorder. In these cases, it is usually the person’s disability that is emphasized, and the gifted aspects are too often overlooked.

In addition to informing parents, SENG is making concerted efforts to reach health-care professions, such as pediatricians, family practitioners, psychiatrists, psychologists, clinical social workers, etc., because extremely few of these professionals have received any training about the characteristics of gifted children and adults and how these characteristics can result in behaviors that are mistaken for disorders or that have implications for disorders.

SENG’s Misdiagnosis Initiative, which really has been going on for several years, has several components:

·         Producing a brochure titled “Decreasing Medical Misdiagnosis in Gifted Children,” available from SENG both in English and in Spanish to give to health-care professionals. This is available in print or as a free Internet download from SENG and nearly 10,000 copies have been distributed.

·         Producing bookmarks for parents of gifted children, available free from SENG, that list Internet and book resources. To date, over 30,000 have been distributed.

·         Featuring a brief now on YouTube, developed a few years ago by SENG, on misdiagnosis and dual diagnoses of gifted children that has been viewed over 28,000 times.

·         Highlighting a of a Grand Rounds lecture on misdiagnosis and dual diagnoses that I did at the University of Wisconsin Medical School that has been watched over 7,800 times.

·         Drawing attention to the book Misdiagnosis and Dual Diagnoses of Gifted Children and Adults, which has sold over 35,000 copies.

·         Conducting Continuing Education classes on this topic for psychologists and other counseling and health care professionals.

·         Establishing communication with the American Academy of Pediatrics to encourage them to incorporate characteristics of gifted children into their diagnostic guidelines for disorders such as ADHD.

·         Writing, and encouraging others to write, articles in general media as well as for professional publications in order to bring attention to this neglected area.

·         Conducting a nationwide survey of parents of gifted children to ascertain their experiences with physicians who see their gifted children.

Although these activities may seem like a lot, they do not come close to accomplishing the task and are really just the beginning. We continue to hear horror stories of gifted children who are overlooked, neglected, misunderstood, misdiagnosed, and inappropriately treated. Because of this, SENG is actively seeking funding from various foundations to continue and expand the Misdiagnosis Initiative. 

Moderator:   Last year, SENG sent a letter to the American Academy of Pediatrics questioning why their diagnostic guidelines fail to mention the possibility that a child’s intellectual giftedness may contribute to symptoms similar to ADHD. What was their response?

Dr.Webb:   When the American Academy of Pediatrics lowered the recommended age for diagnosing ADD/ADHD from age 6 to age 4, it caught our attention, particularly since there was no mention of the need to consider gifted child behaviors. In November 2011, we wrote a letter to the American Academy of Pediatrics, and follow up contact was made primarily by Marianne Kuzujanakis, M.D., MPH, who is not only a Harvard trained pediatrician, but also a SENG Board member and parent of a highly gifted child. (See her article at the Huffington Post .) At the time, I frankly thought that despite her credentials the American Academy of Pediatrics would brush us aside. I am happy to say that they did not. What is emerging is a continuing dialogue with AAP about how SENG might help to inform pediatricians about issues regarding gifted children. This dialogue has also resulted in several publications on the topic in , and we are optimistic that this increased attention will continue.

We are also hoping to have similar dialogues with the American Psychiatric Association. However, we have delayed this partly because we are such a small group attempting a very large task, and also because we are awaiting the arrival of DSM-5 to see what changes have been made and the implications those changes will have for the issues of misdiagnosis and dual diagnoses of gifted children and adults. 

Moderator:   Mental disorders are generally diagnosed solely on the basis of observable behaviors reported by parents, teachers, school counselors, etc. Are pediatricians the best personnel to diagnose ADHD/ADD and other disorders often confused with gifted behavior; especially in young children? Who would be a better alternative for parents of gifted children to seek out for a diagnosis?

Dr. Webb:   Psychologists, in my experience, are generally the best at making an accurate diagnosis of ADD/ADHD—particularly if they are neuropsychologists who are also knowledgeable about gifted children. Regrettably, there are not a lot of these professionals around the country. The next best will be pediatricians, if for no other reason than that they often have a very long standing relationship with the child and the child’s family. It is important, however, for parents to appreciate how difficult it can be for a pediatrician to make such a diagnosis; the typical office visit is often only 15 to 20 minutes, and the physician must rely on short child observation and rating scale information provided by teachers or parents. Parents must recognize, too, that these brief rating scales were not developed for gifted children.

Whether you seek help from a physician or a psychologist, it is particularly important to find someone who will not see gifted behaviors as necessarily representing behavioral disorders. Parents should openly ask the psychologist or physician about prior knowledge and experience with gifted children or adults, and perhaps about SENG’s Misdiagnosis Initiative. Giving the professional a copy of SENG’s brochure can help, too, or perhaps even a copy of the book, Misdiagnosis and Dual Diagnoses of Gifted Children and Adults. If you and your child have a good relationship with the treating professional, and if the professional is open to considering gifted behaviors and treats the child with intellectual respect, then you probably are in a good situation.

Moderator:   How do gifted characteristics put children at risk for misdiagnosis?

Dr.Webb:   Perhaps the biggest risk comes from the gifted child’s high level of intensity and sensitivity. However, these characteristics, often referred to as “overexcitabilities,” are not necessarily problems. Most often, the problems come because such a child is inappropriately placed in an educational system (e.g., spending large amounts of time waiting for others to catch up), or is criticized by his family members who do not understand that the behaviors are characteristics of gifted children (e.g., “Do you have to question everything?” or “You are just stubborn and strong willed!”), or the child has substantial difficulty relating to her age peers (“Why do you have to be so bossy” or “Why don't you want to play with the other children?”). When a bright, intense, and sensitive gifted child is put in such an ill-fitting and unsupportive situation, the result often are problematic behaviors. However, these behaviors are not indicators of emotional problems.  

   
      Some years ago, the educator May Seagoe composed a list of characteristics of gifted children. On the left side, she wrote the strength that derived from that characteristic. On the right side, she wrote potential problems that could arise from that very same characteristic. For example, a strength might be that the child acquires information quickly; a related problem area might be that the child is impatient with others who do not learn as rapidly. Or perhaps the child has high energy (a strength), but also his frustration with inactivity may lead him to interrupt others (a problem). I would be pleased to provide a chart of these if people would email me at , or you can find them . 

      

      Because of the high energy level of gifted children, ADHD is perhaps the most common misdiagnosis, and parents might find it helpful to look at how behaviors of gifted children can be similar to those of ADHD. For this, I often recommend that they look at a brief article titled “”  

      

      Moderator: What practical strategies can you offer to parents who suspect their children may have been misdiagnosed? 

      Dr. Webb:   Here are some general guidelines that may help parents in their initial thinking as to whether the behaviors are gifted or behavior disorder.

·         Does the developmental history indicate early developmental milestones or precocious development?

·         Are the behavior patterns typical ones for gifted children or adults?

·         Are the problem behaviors only found in certain situations or contexts, rather than across situations?

·         Are the problematic behaviors reduced when the person is with other gifted persons or in intellectually supportive settings?

·         Are the problematic behaviors most easily explained as stemming from a gifted/creative person being in an inappropriate situation?

·         Are the behaviors ones that truly cause an impairment in personal or social functioning, or are they simply quirks or idiosyncrasies that cause little discomfort or impairment?

If you answered yes to any of these six questions, you should mention this to the diagnosing professional. You may also want to get more specific and detailed information from  a free SENG article at , or from the book Misdiagnosis and Dual Diagnosis of Gifted Children and Adults. I would also encourage parents to consider getting a second opinion. Second opinions have been a valued tradition in medicine for many decades, and they are equally valid with regard to behavior problems as well.

Moderator:   What resources are available to parents of gifted children to assist them in talking to their healthcare providers?

Dr. Webb:   I encourage parents to use all of the resources that I have listed in the SENG Misdiagnosis Initiative above. Additionally, parents may wish to look at  which provides not only highly relevant and informative articles, but also there is a list of psychologists who have been recommended by other parents. 

Moderator:   Dr. Webb, you have dedicated your professional career to help gifted children and their parents recognize misdiagnosis. What initially influenced you to pursue this path?

Dr. Webb:   We founded SENG in 1981 at the Wright State University School of Professional Psychology, after the suicide of a highly gifted teenager who had not received mental health help sufficient to alleviate his misery and depression. After his death, his parents contacted us and asked us to begin a program, and in addition to establishing parent discussion support groups, we also provided testing and counseling to families of gifted children. Soon, we began to notice a significant number of gifted children who had been diagnosed as having ADHD. As we studied them, we determined that many of these children did not have ADHD. Instead, they were bright, intense, sensitive children, most of whom were educationally misplaced and understimulated, who often were not able to relate to their age peers, and who were in power struggles with adults because they were so strong willed.

I reflected on how much training I had received in my own doctoral graduate training program in psychology. I realized that I had received only about 60 minutes worth of lecture on the subject, with the professor focusing on the Lewis Terman studies as an example of longitudinal research. I also remembered one of my professors saying to me that “In testing, once a child scores above 130, you can stop testing because it really doesn't make much difference after that” and “Bright children are far less likely to have social, emotional, and behavioral problems.” Since I was now involved in the training of clinical psychologists, I began asking other psychologists, as well as other healthcare professionals, how much training they received about gifted children and adults. I discovered that they had either received none at all, or they had received about the same as I had.

Clearly, in my mind, there was a need to educate other professionals. So, I began to give class lectures to my doctoral students, and I began writing professionally about the topic. Through SENG, I began conducting classes in continuing education for psychologists, and gradually other professionals have begun to pick up on this area.

Moderator:   We at Global #gtchat believe strongly that awareness and dissemination of information is critical to combat the misdiagnosis of gifted children and adults. There will be a special Twitter chat at #gtchat on Friday, May 10^that 7PM EDT concerning the Misdiagnosis Initiative from SENG. 

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Your child is gifted: A parent's reaction

“Your child is gifted.”  Those words validate, inform, confirm, enlighten, challenge, frighten, and confuse. They engender pride, excitement, relief, fear, and guilt. The testing typically used to verify gifted abilities not only identifies a child’s intellectual strengths; it also sets in motion a chain of reactions from parents.

If the label of “gifted” is merely a descriptor, a measure of high aptitude at least two standard deviations above a statistical norm, why should it create so much emotional upheaval for parents when their child is identified? At first glance, it would appear to be a positive event, a confirmation that one’s child possesses higher than average skills, abilities, or talents. And while this is valid, there are complicating factors that go along with the label.  

Some of the reactions parents may experience when their gifted child is first identified include:

• Relief – After years of suspecting their child was gifted, it is a welcome relief to finally obtain supporting data that confirms what they already knew in their hearts. Parents may have doubted their observations, questioned whether they were exaggerating, and pursued friends, family and medical professionals to help them reckon with their child's precocious behaviors. When testing confirms their perceptions and provides a framework for understanding their child, they can feel more informed and empowered as parents. It not only validates what they have already suspected, it provides an explanation for additional characteristics that frequently correspond with giftedness (such as asynchronous development or overexcitabilities).

• Excitement – Many parents experience an initial burst of elation after learning that their child is gifted. They may take pride in their child’s creativity, talent and intellect, feel overjoyed about the range of possibilities available to him or her, and perhaps, feel in awe of certain unique skills. If the child is their own biological offspring, their reactions may range from immodest pride (“he’s got my math skills”) to bewilderment (“how did I end up with such a talented child?”).  Most feel blessed that their gifted child has the potential to accomplish what he or she may want, and the good fortune that some things, at least, will come easily to him or her.

• Confusion and Fear - Some parents may feel overwhelmed by their gifted child’s needs. They have difficulty grasping how their child’s learning style impacts his or her academic performance, social interactions and behavior within the family. They may hold high expectations for their child and demand perfection, or, conversely, minimize the significance of the child’s abilities and fail to advocate for a meaningful, appropriate education. Some may feel threatened by their child’s autonomy, drive, and emotional intensity, along with a . Others may worry that their child will be ostracized for appearing different, and will be unpopular, or seen as unattractive. Parents of profoundly gifted children, in particular, often feel overwhelmed sorting out how to best meet the child’s social and educational needs.

• Guilt – Predictably, guilt tends to haunt many parents of gifted children. They question whether they have done enough to foster their child’s abilities, if they made the right choices about schools and outside activities, and if they have advocated enough for what their child needs. They deliberate over when to push for additional services in schools, or whether to allow their child to muddle through the school system like everyone else. They question whether advocacy helps their child get what he or she needs, if it fosters a sense of entitlement or isolation from peers, or whether it can backfire and cause resentment among teachers and administrators. At times, they may to avoid the appearance of bragging, but then feel guilty about minimizing their child’s talents.

Ultimately, most parents learn to appreciate their child’s “gifts.” Gaining a greater understanding of the social and intellectual needs of gifted children and adolescents is critical. Some websites, such as or , provide a wealth of information and references for useful books and articles.

Just as important, though, is for parents to understand their own complex, strong, and at times, ambivalent reactions to their child’s unique needs. Speaking openly with a trusted friend or family member can be a start. Sometimes it can be helpful to speak with a school psychologist or teacher who works with gifted children. Finding a group of parents who share similar concerns can be an enormous support, can provide an opportunity for honest communication about the struggles and successes one’s child experiences, and may be a resource for suggestions regarding outside learning opportunities, ideas for advocacy, and more information about gifted education. If doubts and fears persist, speaking with a therapist who is knowledgeable in this area can provide understanding and perspective. All of this lays the groundwork for helping your gifted child pursue a stimulating, challenging, and creative education.

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Book Review: Learning in the 21st Century: How to Connect, Collaborate, and Create By Ben Curran and Neil Wetherbee

This book, the latest in the Perspectives In Gifted Homeschooling Series from GHF Press, may be intended for homeschoolers … but don’t let that stop you from buying it if you’re not a homeschooler! All the books in this series are excellent resources for parents of gifted children, and this latest one is no exception. It is easy to read, easy to understand and a book that will have tattered edges before long … unless you buy the ebook version. Then, you’ll just have a low-battery issue facing you.

As the title indicates, the book is divided into three sections: Connect, Collaborate and Create with the latter divided into Creation Tools and Ready-Made Projects. All are superb intros into the world of using technology in education.

Had I written this review a few weeks earlier, I would not have to take a short intermission to inform you that Google announced a few days ago that it was pulling the plug on Google Reader … one of the first tools reviewed in the book. It is no reflection on the authors … many in the online technology community are in a tizzy over this development as there are no viable alternatives available to aggregate news sites and blogs. An editorial in the New York times found places blame squarely on the shoulders of Google itself.

That’s okay though; the other tools ~ Google Drive, Blogger, Twitter, Diigo, Edmodo … to name a few ~ are all still intact. It’s like a one-stop shop for ‘how-to’ lessons on all things tech. Even after many years of utilizing tech tools, I found myself pouring over the instructions in this book and learning something new in every section. I really, really like this book. Ben and Neil know what they are talking about and have a way of explaining it all in layman’s terms.

When parents think about education, it seems only natural that we tend to think back to our own days in school. Big, big, big mistake. School isn't what it used to be. If you want your gifted kids to soar, you need to be prepared to assist in lift-off! Learning in the 21^st Century helps you to find and use the tools you need to help guide your children to new heights. It may just earn you a little respect as well in their eyes! Too many parents shrug off their responsibility when it comes to educating their children. It takes a village to raise a child, and in the case of gifted children; it takes a metropolis!

One of my most favorite parts of the book is the Ready-Made Projects section. You can read all the ‘how to’ books you like, but the authors make it easy by giving you several projects to get you started. Once you try out a few of these and tweak them for your own use … you’ll be hooked!

Here’s an added bonus … this book will help you out personally as you begin your foray into the world of online technology and social media. Along with guiding your child, you’ll pick up some great tips as well. You’ll learn how to connect and collaborate with other parents of gifted children in ways you never dreamed of. Before you know it, you’ll find yourself in the middle of a great community of folks who will become your support system. Feelings of being alone will be a distant memory as you find blogs to read and Twitter accounts to follow; all while helping your child to learn about the many different types of technology available online.21st cent

From the authors ~ “…when it comes to technology and education, be the type of learner you want your children to be—a learner that is dedicated, motivated, not afraid to try new things, and one who recognizes the immense value of learning from mistakes.” I couldn't agree more. To learn more, check out the book on . You’ll be glad you did!

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Giftedness and Non-conformity

“I know I’m never going to fit in,” he remarked casually. “And, you know, I’m actually OK with that.” Many gifted adolescents and adults have recognized from an early age that they differed from their peers. Their intellectual skills, ability to easily grasp complex information, rapid pace of learning, emotional intensity and preoccupation with fairness and justice, to name a few, may create a barrier in relationships. But some gifted individuals have been able to accept their differences without embarrassment or succumbing to pressure to conform. They actually embrace their unique qualities, are unapologetically non-conformist, and cannot imagine joining the crowd just to .

When describing gifted adolescents and adults, conformity is rarely a term that comes to mind. Compliments might include “quirky and independent,” “one of a kind,” or “brilliant and unique.”  Less endearing comments are also frequently expressed. “Encouraging him to fit in is like forcing a square peg into a round hole.” "Getting this class of gifted students to cooperate is like trying to herd cats.” The outside world looks on with curiosity and occasional frustration, often questioning how “someone so smart could be so stubborn.” But this non-conformist stance is not typically borne out of resentment or a desire for conflict. Rather, it develops in response to a combination of characteristics most gifted individuals share, including:

1. A drive toward fairness and justice - Gifted children abhor in any form, stand up to bullies, question unfair rules, and challenge undeserved authority. Some gifted individuals would rather fail a class, lose a job, or get knocked down in a fight than compromise their values. Although championing the underdog may be admirable at times, it can certainly irritate teachers, bosses, and other authority figures who don’t appreciate having their rules challenged or their weaknesses exposed. 

2. High expectations for self and others – While some gifted individuals may be underachievers, most maintain high expectations for themselves, sometimes manifest as perfectionism. Along with this, they expect others to hold these same high standards. When they encounter unethical behavior, suboptimal performance, or inadequacies that can be corrected, they find it almost impossible to maintain respect or comply with what is expected of them.

3. Creative and inquisitive – Gifted individuals thrive on learning, engaging in creative pursuits, exploring new ideas, developing new concepts and inventions, and seeking the meaning of life. They shun rote learning, routine explanations, and simplistic ideas. Slowly paced instruction and boring, routine activities are torture for them. They challenge traditional explanations and concepts, and find new, inventive approaches to solve problems. While innovative and ground-breaking discoveries develop as a result of such creativity, bold challenges to the status quot can ruffle feathers and fuel conflict.

4. Greater sensitivity – Many gifted individuals possess heightened emotional sensitivities that result in stronger reactions to events and greater empathy for others. They are often strong-willed and strive for autonomy. These emotional characteristics, coupled with the likelihood that they have felt out of sync with their peers throughout much of their academic career, all contribute to the development of a non-conformist style. 

Gifted individuals of all ages have to grapple with the implications of their non-conformity on a regular basis. Unique, different and quirky, gifted individuals’ behaviors can be confusing, off-putting, exhilarating, a welcome relief from the norm, a target for bullying, or a model to be emulated. They may be viewed as opinionated and controversial, and may be misunderstood, envied, or perceived as a threat by those around them.  Gifted individuals benefit from learning how and when to best assert their views so that they can have the greatest impact, create the outcome they desire, and form healthy and meaningful relationships. Learning to harness their creative energy and non-conformist spirit with patience and compromise may help them to reach their goals.

Most important, though, is self-acceptance. When you already know you are different, it is healthier to embrace the positive aspects of this fact, than to bemoan it and wish you could be someone else. Gifted individuals can express their unique talents and maintain healthy relationships when they learn to accept and appreciate their differences.

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Book Review: Hacking Your Education by Dale J. Stephens

“This is not a book about dropping out, but rather about becoming empowered

to make your own decisions… If you’re looking for an easy solution, shortcut,

or way to work less, this book is not for you. Hacking your education requires

tons of hard work and determination.”

From the Introduction

Dale J. Stephens has had an extraordinary life … thus far. At 21 years old, it may seem like a long time if you are 16 or 17 and find the title of this book appealing; but, trust me … it is a brief period in the grand scheme of life. Although I think the author has many good ideas, I don’t think they are very plausible for most 18 years that I know. And I do know a lot of 18 year olds.

The unwritten parts of this book were what intrigued me most. Mr. Stephens posits that, like himself, anyone can accomplish anything they set their mind to with enough grit and determination. I beg to differ. I would contend that he had above-average intelligence and an upper middle-class support system that afforded him many advantages unavailable to the majority of teens {a fact he barely recognizes or acknowledges}.

As I read through the editors copy of his manuscript {full disclosure – I did not buy this book, nor did I receive a copy in exchange for this review}, I kept asking myself, “who was the intended audience?” For the most part … it seemed to be young, white males with backgrounds similar to the author. That certainly leaves a whole lot of people on the sidelines. Others may buy this book, but I don’t think they’ll find what they are hoping for.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s a well-written book. I actually think it has some good advice for young people unsure of what direction they are headed in life. I’m a firm supporter of taking a year off after completing high school – I just think it’s wise to finish high school.

I did, however, feel like many of the ‘hacks’ advocated therein were … to say the least … unethical. I cringed when I read about sneaking into college classes for which you weren't registered or lying your way into conferences for which you hadn't paid. I think that is simply cheating the system, not hacking it.

Perhaps my 21 year old daughter, whom I asked to read the text and who just graduated from college, enlightened my perspective.  She made several salient points. For example, after reading about traveling the world by staying with people you've never met; her comment was, “As a young female, I’m supposed to feel comfortable couch surfing as a way to stay in countries I've never been to? Give me a break!” Also, “This guy never had to worry about things like having a reliable Internet connection so that he could do all his research and keep in touch with anyone.” Regarding becoming an entrepreneur, she said, “I spend enough time working with people in that circle to know that for every good idea that gets funding, a hundred more either don’t come to fruition or crash and burn.”

So my advice would be that if you decide to buy the book, read it with a grain of salt … 

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Best Practices in Gifted Parenting

One of the reasons I started this blog was I felt it important that the gifted community ~ beyond educators, academics, professional advocates ~ understand what it is like to parent a gifted child in the ‘outside’ world. A vast majority of us join the gifted community by proxy. Until our children become self-advocates, we are responsible for their care & feeding AND for doing everything we can to see they reach that esoteric state of ‘full potential’.

I read a lot these days. I read mainly about gifted issues. Sometimes I think I finish reading articles in my sleep or at least it seems that way when I awake in the morning. I’m not always pleased about what I read. Blogs written by educators do not reflect my experiences with gifted education. Too often, their reflections bear little resemblance to the real-world stories I heard from my kids when they came home from school and I asked them “how was your day”.

When you do a Google search on ‘gifted education’ … something many first-time parents do when their child is identified gifted or they suspect giftedness long before the first day of school … you can add date parameters. But frankly … it doesn't make a whole lot of difference. You see … more often than anyone will admit … you could read an article online from 1991 or 2000 or 2006 or last month and you wouldn't be able to tell the difference. It’s just the same old same old.

Nature or nurture. Equity or equality. Lack of adequate identification procedures. Myths, myths and more myths repeated because there is no effective governmental policy regarding gifted education … anywhere. Blah… blah … blah. What’s a parent to do? I can tell you from personal experience that whatever you decide to do … there will always be an ‘expert’ somewhere down the road telling you that you did it all wrong!

You could read a book. Do you have time to sit down and read a book? I never did when my own children were younger. Heck … I hardly have time now. You should see the shelves of my Kindle … thankfully it’s in the Cloud so I don’t have to look at it every waking minute! You could join a gifted parent group. They really are a great source of information and camaraderie.  Of course, as soon as the first meeting is over, they’ll be asking for volunteers. I know … I started a parent group and was the one asking for help all.the.time.

So … here’s my suggestions for ‘best practices’ when it comes to parenting a gifted child – search for blogs written by parents and occasionally by an expert; join a parent group but strongly suggest they consider utilizing social media and the Internet to communicate (this will reduce the need for monthly meetings); figure out how to tweet and join a Twitter chat for an hour a week from the privacy of your home (disclaimer: I moderate #gtchat on Twitter and am a strong advocate for the benefits they offer); and attend a state or national conference at least once while your kids are young (it will change your life and give you that ‘I am not alone’ glow long after it’s over).

And here’s the very best advice of all … your children are who they are because of who you are! That’s right. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. They have been identified gifted and you probably are, too; even if you weren't officially identified. They’re emotional and irreverent and difficult to get along with at times. And if you’re willing to admit it … you are, too. Parenting gifted children is not easy and you are guaranteed to make mistakes; but take time to find joy in every day. And … share that joy with your child. They will never forget those moments and isn't that what it’s all about … making memories to last a lifetime?

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Preaching to the Choir: They Need to Hear the Message, Too!

Recently, I have read several blog posts focused on some negative aspects to ‘preaching to the choir’. They believe the gifted community has become too insular and must now focus on outreach.

This seems like a reasonable assumption; except for one thing. Members of the choir can come from any segment of the community; including parents. For too long, parents have often been dismissed as transient members flowing in and out of the greater community as their children enter the system and eventually leaving when their children reach adulthood.

Am I advocating against attempts to reach out to the larger education community; to policy wonks; to decision-makers? Certainly not! What I am saying is that the leaders in our community should not forget about parents. They need to hear the message. The entire concept of ‘giftedness’ may be new to them.

Those who make these observations have often been living and breathing gifted advocacy for more years than many of you have been alive. They have been going to gifted conferences every year since becoming involved with gifted education. It’s easy to see how some of them wouldn't notice the new faces in the audience.

I am talking about parents attending their first meeting, workshop or conference. I’m also talking about first-year teachers who may never have had a single undergraduate course in gifted education. Reaching out is fine as long as it isn't in lieu ofattending and presenting at gifted conferences as well.

The gifted community is relatively small in the grand scheme of things. The very idea of community is one of shelter; refuge. For many, especially parents, a conference is the ONLY time they can associate with those who understand the struggles and frustration of advocating for a gifted child.

Parents, in fact, are on the front line of community outreach. Parents are the ones facing skeptical or unsympathetic teachers. Parents are the ones attending school board meetings to advocate for better gifted programs in their schools. Parents are the ones who need to be persuaded to call their elected officials to request funding for gifted education. They need to know what they are talking about.

Preaching to the choir? Not such a bad idea after all. 

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Different than the rest: Social challenges of gifted adolescents

“I hate being different,” she lamented. "It’s nice being smart and all, but sometimes it would be better just to be normal.” The girl who voiced this complaint is not alone. Many gifted adolescents feel this way. They garner praise for innate talents considered an accident of birth, and must shield themselves from smirks and ridicule about their nerdy interests. They are labeled overachieving perfectionists when they rack up accomplishments, and slackers when they fail to meet their potential. They are often held to a higher standard, and social failings are rarely treated with compassion.

Many people think giftedness primarily impacts intellectual, educational and career pursuits. However, it affects every aspect of a child’s life. Some gifted adolescents, whose precocious aptitude drives their intellectual interests, may manifest asynchronous development. Their social skills lag behind their intellectual development, and they suffer the disadvantage of being both intellectually advanced and socially awkward, a lethal combination that invites derision from peers. Although the adolescent with asynchronous development may easily solve complex calculus equations, he may stammer when ordering food in a restaurant. She may be able to write a computer program, but only have a handful of Facebook friends. He might design the entire set for the school play, but (unintentionally) wear mismatched socks to school.

While some gifted teens appear oblivious to social cues, seemingly immersed in intellectual or artistic pursuits, many more are acutely aware of social interactions. They stand back, observe, and develop elaborate theories about the cliques, peer exchanges and social drama unfolding before them. Those who are bystanders may hesitate before venturing into the fray, or remain tied to small groups of like-minded peers. Even seemingly disengaged gifted teens may be more aware of the social climate than their behavior suggests. “I wish I could go to some of those parties,” one boy openly admitted, “but I don’t think I’d ever get invited, and if I went I don’t think I’d know what to do.” On the other hand, some gifted adolescents become cynical about social norms, rebelling or refusing to conform to what is expected.  “I won’t go to the prom,” a girl stridently announced, “I’d rather donate the cost of the dress to charity rather than spend it on such a waste of time.”

Clearly, not all gifted adolescents struggle socially. These are the popular students who are sought after by peers. Often these teens are athletic, attractive, and possess strong leadership skills. They are socially aware and confident, apparently unhampered by asynchronous social/emotional development. However, these teens are still cognizant of how their differences distinguish them from their peers, and they may assume high expectations for themselves in terms of academic goals. It is presumed that these children will go far, and these expectations create a nagging level of pressure that can be overwhelming.

Gifted adolescents need support and information to help them accept and appreciate their differences. They already know they are smart. What they really need is an understanding that while most adolescents may feel alienated at times, gifted adolescents really are differentdue to the nature of their cognitive complexity and its associated social/emotional features. Rather than railing against the “” of this reality, they can be encouraged to use their intellectual “gifts” of advanced reasoning skills, strategic planning abilities, conceptual complexity, and attention to detail, for example, to better understand their emotional reactions and interactions with peers.  They can learn to pay closer attention to their feelings, take interpersonal risks to reach out to others, and find like-minded peers (both in high school or off-campus activities) who share a similar world view. Again, just as schools attempt to support gifted students in their academic pursuits, the unique social and emotional differences gifted adolescents experience due to their innate complexity and sometimes asynchronous development need to be addressed. Otherwise, emotional roadblocks may further derail progress for these exceptional children.

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What's in a Name? Gifted or High Aptitude Learner?

In , I urged educators to identify a new term for “giftedness” since the label incites so much controversy (see “Let’s not call them gifted”). Although the term is not going to disappear any time soon, new alternatives still need to be explored. Given an opportunity for a change in terminology, what might constitute an improvement?

A term like “high aptitude learner” could describe gifted abilities without provoking so much debate. Use of a more technical-sounding name is less likely to generate an emotional reaction. The label of giftedness can inspire fantasies implying that a child is somehow more special and beloved. If a more technical, descriptive term were used, there might be less deliberation over whether one’s child is special or not. School administrators would not have to apologize for presumably offering an “elitist” program supporting special kids. When a term describes a variation in learning ability, not a judgment about a child’s inherent value as a person, everyone can breathe a sigh of relief and get on with the task of education.

Secondly, the new term focuses on aptitude, or “a natural ability to do something” (Oxforddictionaries.com). Aptitude reflects one’s innate capacity to master something, referring to potential and what is sometimes seen as raw ability. While talents and abilities must be nurtured and developed, they are sometimes unfairly linked to images of pushy parents, flash cards, prep classes, or tracking. Misperceptions about aptitude sometimes lead to assumptions that gifted children are either pampered, privileged kids who have received every available learning opportunity, or conversely, have been rigidly bombarded with intensive academic demands, mountains of homework, and expensive tutoring.  While these unfortunate stereotypes may be the reality for some children, regardless of intellectual ability, they do not contribute to aptitude. Mastery of a skill involves learning, practice and experience; innate ability is not something that can be taught.

Finally, the concept of learning is essential to the new term. Learning continues throughout life; it does not begin and end with formal schooling. This is why most high aptitude learners demonstrate exceptional learning capability long before they start elementary school, and why they continue to seek out and absorb information at a higher level as adults. It also may explain why some run into conflicts with peers, spouses and co-workers as they adamantly espouse their complex view of the world, sometimes with little patience for those who fail to grasp their perspective. (This impatience, grounded in their quicksilver learning pace, will be the subject of a future blog.) Many high aptitude learners thrive on acquiring knowledge throughout life, obtaining great joy from the act of learning once they have moved beyond the constraints of traditional education.

Although I prefer the term “high aptitude learner,” in future posts, I will use this term and “gifted” interchangeably. “Gifted” is still the formally recognized label, and until consensus for another name is reached, it may be less confusing to use the more familiar terminology.  Hopefully, continued dialogue among education professionals will result in the eventual revision of the term, so that there is less time wasted in debate and more time devoted to education. 

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