So I’m gifted…Now what?

So what if I’m gifted?  Will others expect more from me?  Will I be seen as different? What if I don’t want to be gifted anymore?

When children, adolescents, or even adults, learn they are gifted, they can be flooded with a range of emotions. Initially there may be excitement and pride. Eventually, discomfort, anxiety and embarrassment may creep in. And a range of questions usually arise. 

What does this all mean? How will it affect my friendships, school work, or future career? What will my family and friends expect from me? Will this be more of a burden than a benefit?

In reality, identification of giftedness, following rigorous psychoeducational screening, serves to validate what most gifted individuals and their families already know. Screening is usually provided to determine whether mandated enriched/accelerated academic services are necessary; otherwise, it rarely would be offered. But in addition to opening doors to educational opportunity, the label itself carries substantial weight, and signifies a shift in self-perception. The validation and recognition may be a relief; the presumed additional expectations may seem a burden. 

What are some of the questions and concerns that accompany gifted identification?

In childhood: Children may not understand what being gifted means. They already sense that they are different, learn more quickly than their peers, or become easily bored in class. They may worry that this new label will isolate them from friends, force them to tackle extra busy work, or get bullied if they are seen as too smart. They may feel superior about their abilities and the ease with which they learn, but also feel confused and guilty about their pride. Since gifted children often possess a strong sense of morality, it may seem unfair that others lack the talents that they naturally possess. When family or teachers convey high expectations, gifted children might feel pressured to achieve, and become anxious and self-critical of even minor mistakes, or give up altogether. Even without external pressure, those gifted children who are already high achievers may interpret their gifted status as a mandate to aim for success, regardless of the costs. 

In adolescence:Teens struggle with ambivalence about being gifted. At a time when friendships are paramount, many would rather ignore academics and focus instead on having fun. They may worry that being gifted will exclude them from the desired peer group and make them seem “nerdy” and unattractive. Girls, in particular, may hide their talents to remain appealing to boys. Teens also may react to real or perceived pressure from parents or teachers to “live up to their potential.” While some rise to the challenge, others may become anxious and strive for perfection. Still others may rebel, perform poorly, and distance themselves from any association with their academic abilities. As high school graduation approaches, gifted teens struggle with how to choose a career path that will satisfy the expectations of others, yet meet their personal goals. In short, many gifted adolescents are acutely aware of the abilities they possess, and feel conflicted about how to fulfill their potential without either alienating or disappointing others.

In adulthood: Many gifted adults’ abilities were overlooked when they were children. They may have suspected their differences all along, but never received validation that their self-perception was accurate. Often, recognition of giftedness occurs without formal testing, and follows instead from an awareness that their complex thinking skills, innovative and creative solutions, or unusually quick grasp of difficult material outpaces their peers. Many gifted adults only suspect that they are gifted when their own gifted children show signs of exceptional ability and are undergoing evaluation. Recognition of their abilities enables acceptance of how their interests, drives and passions may have left them feeling out of sync with many of their peers. It also helps them appreciate that some of the behaviors that seem to cause them personal distress or interpersonal conflict are actually emotional and behavioral characteristics associated with giftedness, such as emotional intensity, overexcitabilities, impatience, non-conformity, introversion or perfectionism.

Acceptance of what it means to be gifted takes time. It is an individual process, and carries different implications for everyone. Parents and teachers need to appreciate that conflicting emotions can accompany the label of “gifted.” Recognizing these concerns, fears and misconceptions is the first step toward overcoming roadblocks to their academic, social and personal goals.  

Read more

What stops girls from learning math?

Math is for geeks. Nerds. The robotics kids. Definitely not for girls.

Really?

Why do some girls go from budding math scholars in grade school to a “dumbed down” shell of themselves in high school? What happens to these gifted girls who love the logic, complexity and challenge of math, but feel they must forego their passion to fit in?

Girls actually excel at math and science, and most research has failed to find any striking differences between the genders in actual math ability^1,2. Math is as interesting to the girls as it is to boys in grade school. Yet, few girls pursue math as a career choice in college. According to , only 12% of engineering students are women, and 20% of women who received a math or science degree actually work in their field of study. 

  

What, then, drives girls away from math?

Lack of role models. Until recent years, women typically shied away from math and science as career choices. Even gifted girls who thrived in math often pursued other paths as they got older, as they could not envision themselves in a STEM (science, technology, engineering, math) career. Some researchers have suggested that lack of encouragement and a shortage of female role models in math-related fields have contributed to the shortage. A study of math achievement data for 14-16 year-olds from almost half a million students in 69 countries concluded that boys were not better at math; they were just more confident³. In addition, girls from countries where there was more gender equity performed better on math assessment tests. Those who performed poorly resided in countries where women have been devalued and where there were few successful female role models. The authors concluded that the presence of female role models who excel in math is critical to girls’ future success.

The importance of female role models and confidence in girls’ math abilities was also highlighted in another study of first and second grade students⁴. Poor math performance among girls was more likely to occur when their female teachers were uncomfortable with math. However, the teachers’ math anxiety had no impact on the boys in the study. The researchers concluded that these teachers were viewed as role models, and may have inadvertently conveyed their own discomfort with math, affecting the girls’ performance.

Gender role identification. Given the scarcity of female role models, and assumptions about male superiority in math, it would follow that girls who hold clearly defined gender role distinctions might feel less comfortable pursuing math. For example, one study of college students found that women who strongly identified with gender role stereotypes, and who were more likely to view themselves as feminine, performed worse in an introductory calculus class than women who did not hold similar views. Although there were no significant differences in their SAT math scores, these young women also were less likely to pursue a math-oriented career⁵.

Peer pressure. Just as teachers and adult role models may influence math achievement, peer pressure also plays a key role. As they enter adolescence, girls often feel torn between confidently expressing their talents, as they had in elementary school, and suppressing their abilities to fit in and receive attention from boys. If prevailing stereotypes brand math skills as “nerdy” or masculine, and if girls lack the self-esteem to excel in “traditionally” male fields, they may choose popularity over academics. Recent research has shown, for example, that high school girls frequently rely on the opinions of their female friends when deciding what level of math to take, and whether they should take additional math classes⁶. Peers’ attitudes can ultimately influence self-perception, academic risk-taking, and future career choices. 

  

Math anxiety. Insecurity and anxiety about math can manifest as full-blown panic during tests, obsessive preoccupation math performance, and avoidance of math classes when possible. It can contribute to poor grades, erode confidence in a range of academic abilities, and limit career goals. Although both genders experience math anxiety, a recent study⁷ supported previous findings indicating that girls were more likely to suffer from it than boys, and that math anxiety predicted poor test performance for girls, but not for boys.

So what can be done?

1.  Girls need exposure to women role models in math and the sciences, where they can see competent, vibrant women who excel in these fields. They need support so that they can embrace math without fear of being labeled “nerdy” or masculine in the process. Family encouragement is important, but schools also can offer opportunities for meeting women in math-related careers, or provide field trips to sites where women are employed in STEM careers. 

                                                                                                       

2.  Negative stereotypes about women’s abilities must be challenged and confronted. Girls, parents and schools need to be educated about the effect gender role stereotyping plays in limiting girls’ math achievement. Gifted girls, in particular, need to find resources where they can engage their curiosity and interests, and allow themselves to appreciate their strengths. For example, actress Danica McKellar challenges adolescent resistance to math through books and a website, , encouraging girls to excel at math.

3.  Try an anxiety-reduction plan to reduce anxiety about math.This could include gradual exposure to math-related situations, stress management and relaxation skills for approaching math problems, or challenging negative beliefs about math. Unrealistic expectations, perfectionism and self-doubt need to be challenged. Programs to address math anxiety are often available in guidance departments and college counseling centers. When math anxiety starts to affect self-esteem and erodes feelings of self-worth, though, therapy may be a helpful resource for understanding and managing the stress.

References 

1. Hyde, J & Mertz, J. (2009). Gender, culture and mathematics performance. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 106 (22), 8801-8807.

2. Lindberg, S. Hyde, J, Petersen, J., & Linn, M. (2010). New trends in gender and mathematics performance: A meta-analysis. Psychological Bulletin, 136(6), 1123-1135.

3. Else-Quest, N., Hyde, J.,& Linn, M. (2010). Cross-National Patterns of Gender Differences in Mathematics: A Meta-Analysis. Psychological Bulletin, 136 (1), 103-127.

4. Beilock, S., Gunderson, E., Ramirez, G., & Levine, S. (2010). Female teachers’ math anxiety affects girls’ math achievement. Proc Natl Acad Sci USA, 107 (5), 1860-1863.

5. Kiefer, A. & Sekaquaptewa, D. (2007). Implicit stereotypes, gender identification, an math-related outcomes: A prospective study of female college students. Psychological Science, 18, 13-18.

6.  Crosnoe, R., Riegle-Crumb, C., Fields, S., Frank, K., & Muller, C. (2008). Peer group contexts of girls and boys' academc experiences. Child Development, 79 (1), 139.

7.  Devine,  A. Fawcett, K. Szucs, D., % Dowler, A. (2012). Gender differences in mathematics anxiety and the relation to mathematics and performance while controlling for test anxiety. Behavioral and Brain Functions, 8, 33.

Read more

The Social and Emotional Needs of Gifted Parents

Yes … you read that right! The experts love to discuss the social and emotional needs of gifted children, but what about their parents? Sometimes they are ‘included’ in an article about social- emotional needs, but only concerning how it relates to their children. Bah.

Where do I begin? Talk to any parent of a gifted child and you hear … all about how gifted their child is. That’s it? What about you? You do have needs, too. Being a good parent to a gifted child can only be enhanced by discovering and meeting your own needs along the way.

Here’s how the story often goes: baby is born; baby discovers Socratic learning; pre-school years arrive and it appears the child doesn't quite fit in; child is assessed with uncommon abilities … parents left wondering (for the most part) … how did this happen? Parents begin down the path of discovering exactly what it means to be gifted. Surprise! It’s suddenly apparent that they are on a parallel path … to self-discovery.

It’s one thing to have a social-emotional child. It is quite another to be a parent with unmet social-emotional needs and try to parent that child. Society is quick to judge perceived ‘bad parenting’, but it has even greater disdain for parents of gifted children who don't get it right.

So what’s a parent to do? Let’s check in with the few experts who do understand that it’s a tough job parenting these kids. Since they're experts, it’s a sure bet a few strategies have been devised to deal with the situation.

Strategy No. 1: Hit the books and the Google before it’s too late! Since it would be a bit presumptuous to start during birthing classes, the next best thing would be to learn all you can about ‘giftedness’ once it has been determined that your child is showing signs of accelerated development … the sooner; the better.

Strategy No. 2: Find a peer group. How do you do that? Often times, other adult gifted people do not admit they are gifted or simply do not know it. That makes the search for peers rather difficult. The best place to start is with groups … online groups found in places like Facebook, Twitter, SENG, and offline groups such as state gifted organizations with local affiliates and gifted parent support groups.

Strategy No. 3: Admit your own giftedness. You don’t need an IQ test to realize that you are different. The Institute for the Study of Advanced Development has a fantastic that will make identification fairly simple. A few of the characteristics listed there include: out-of-sync with others; overwhelmed by interests; passionate, intense feelings; and love intense discussions.

Have I piqued your interest? It is as important to discover and work to meet your own needs as it is to do the same for your child. It will make you a better person and a better parent. Understanding who you are and why you are that way will bring hope and enjoyment into your life. You will no longer be defined by what you feel others think about you. Now, isn't that reason enough to start down the road to self-discovery?

I've included a few links below to get you started:

“” by Stephanie Tolan 

“” by Deirdre V. Lovecky 

“” by Stephanie Tolan 

“” (book) by Willem Kuipers 

“” by Willem Kuipers

“” (click filename) by Andrew S. Mahoney

Read more

Ungifted Intelligence Redefined … My Take

When I first heard about this book, my first thought was to ignore it and maybe it would go away (far away … like into the discount bin at Barnes & Noble). But here we are in June 2013 and Ungifted has just been released to glowing reviews by some very impressive, dare I say eminent, persons in the fields of psychology, neuroscience and education.

Everyone loves a winner! And Scott Barry Kaufman is quickly proving himself to be a winner. This is his third book out this year! And it’s only June. His educational background would be the envy of any gifted kid ~ he received his B.S. in Psychology and Human Computer Interaction from Carnegie Mellon University (co-incidentally at the same time my children were attending the ‘gifted’ program, C-Mites, at CMU); his M.Phil. in Experimental Psychology from Cambridge through a Gates Scholarship;  and a Ph.D. in Cognitive Psychology from Yale.

Impressed yet? He is an at NYU; blogger for ; co-founder of ; and Chief Science Advisor for . In 2012, he won the . But I digress …

Ungifted – it’s a title that will definitely sell books and spark debate in more fields than SBK holds degrees. And it should. It is well written, well researched (there are 50+ pages of notes and references) and if nothing else – well thought out. In fact, I'm guessing this book took root early in his life when he was mislabeled Learning Disabled. He subsequently remained misplaced until the ninth grade when he took matters into his own hands and self-elected out of the program into regular education classes.

Personally, I would have felt more comfortable with the title, Unlabeled. Labeling and all the implications attached to it are a recurring theme throughout the book. It is foremost about intelligence; a fact not to be overlooked. It also presents the author’s Theory of Personal Intelligence. I would tell you what it was … but you'll have to read the book.

I received my copy of Ungifted from the publisher with the intent that I would review it. I made no promises. I am not eminent in any field; which in the eyes of many would classify me immediately as ungifted. I did, however, read this book from the perspective of someone who has taught as a substitute and worked as a paraprofessional in special education for the past 11 years; who advocates for gifted education; and perhaps most importantly, as a parent. Much of what the author wrote struck a chord with me … with my heart.

A casual reading of Ungifted might result in the reader thinking that SBK believes “all children are gifted”. Say that in a room full of gifted parents and you better have your escape route planned! In the author’s own words, “This is not to say that at the individual differences level of analysis we are all equally intelligent, even by my definition.” (p. 305) 

And from the prologue, we glimpse his reason for writing this book:

“I firmly believe we can recognize and value every kind of mind without diminishing the value of others. I don't see intelligence as a zero-sum game: just because someone is talented (whatever that means) by the standards set by society doesn’t mean that the person who isn’t doesn’t have dynamic potential for intellectual functioning.”

So … why should the gifted community take notice of this book? We always talk about how we think our children should be challenged; so, why not all of us? This book challenges many long held beliefs. It should ignite a discussion on the potential of all children. Proponents (myself included) of the message that “giftedness is as much about who you are as about what you achieve” need to make a reasonable and intellectual assessment of Ungiftedand then respond accordingly.

Read this book. I think you'll be surprised at the many areas of agreement you’ll find. And as a reminder … understanding and empathy are gifts we should all cultivate.

Read more

The High Ability - Gifted Conundrum

Recently, I read one of those posts that makes you think ~ this person has hit all the right notes. Tom Bennett, in his article, “” is spot on in his analysis of the state of gifted education in … well, just about everywhere.

If there ever was an argument for the existence of ‘gifted’ children, I believe it would be that they exist everywhere … globally, all socioeconomic strata, all races … and behave in much the same way. The Bennett article has a decidedly ‘British’ bent, but what he says and speculates could apply in all cultures and countries.

His own experience as a Gifted and Talented Coordinator provided Bennett with a respectable basis to assess the situation of high ability students in England. I will not repeat his post here, but I will try to explain it from an American perspective; simply because of the many shared attributes between English and U.S. approaches to education.

It is interesting to note that the referenced post was in response to a report this week from Ofsted, “” It’s important to understand first exactly what Ofsted, the Office for Standards in Education, Children’s Services and Skills, is and does. From their  :

“We report directly to Parliament and we are independent and impartial. We inspect and regulate services which care for children and young people, and those providing education and skills for learners of all ages.

 Every week, we carry out hundreds of inspections and regulatory visits throughout England, and publish the results on our website. We work with providers which are not yet good to promote their improvement, monitoring their progress and sharing with them the best practice we find.”

This report has created quite a stir and rightly so. Many of the conclusions have an impact on the education of England’s gifted and talented. Additional information may be found on Tim Dracup’s Blog, Gifted Phoenix, in his post, “.” 

As in the U.S., many gifted students are looked upon as not needing additional services simply because they have achieved expected norms. They will succeed on their own and do not deserve the expenditure of already limited resources by schools. The anti-intellectualism mindset is prevalent on both sides of the pond.

Too often, the life-cycle of a gifted student goes something like this ~ Stage 1: Elementary School - 7 years of unchallenging work leaving the student to breeze through school; stifling potential creativity; an incubator for a ‘why try’ attitude. Stage 2: Middle School – more of the same; but now with under-achievement becoming a way of life. Stage 3: High School – high stakes testing works its magic to further encourage the system to all but ignore the highly-able student and center its resources in areas perceived as much more deserving. Sad, isn’t it? The same pattern repeating itself here, there and everywhere.

So … what is the answer to this conundrum? And even more importantly, if acknowledged … will the ‘system’ ever change? After 15 years, I've become rather cynical. Here is what Tom Bennett proposed in his well-articulated post ~ Identification, Provision and Monitoring. Sound familiar? Would it work? Of course it would. It’s simple and straightforward.

Identification:This is not rocket science; or is it? Our identification process is fraught with misdiagnosis, misidentification and mislabeling resulting in misplacement of some of our brightest minds. But done right, it can work.

Provision: As already mentioned, public opinion sways academic decisions in the direction away from supporting intellectually gifted students. An informed electorate could make all the difference here.

Monitoring: Limited resources make it a sure bet that this will not happen in most public schools in America. But 'the times …they are a changin' and history is on the side of coming up with a better system.

Is there hope that things will change? Can this cynic become an optimist? Of course, there is hope! You know why? There is hope because of people like you; the reader. Parents of gifted children who seek to understand and advocate for their children.

In actuality, things are already changing with the advent of , for high-ability students, the quiet return of in many schools, the realization of the importance of recognizing the of gifted children and the recent development of a call to seek out gifted students from all socio-economic levels and .

A conundrum is a confusing or difficult problem. When advocating for a gifted child, a parent goes through many stages. At first it can seem confusing for parents who did not expect to have a gifted child or who are not familiar with how the education system works. There is a whole new language to learn. Interacting with schools and teachers may be overwhelming at times. It’s important to remember that you are not alone and resources are plentiful to assist you in guiding your child to become successful!

Special thanks to the  for including Gifted Parenting Support. We hope you enjoy the many great posts from this year’s tour.

Read more

What to say to your gifted child...about being gifted

What should you tell your child about being gifted? Whether identified as gifted, referred for evaluation, or placed in a “gifted and talented program," children quickly form impressions about all the fuss. Does this mean I’m really smarter than the other kids? Will they see me as different/better/weirder? Will I have to live up to even MORE expectations from my parents and teachers? What if I don’t want to be gifted anymore?

Parents themselves often struggle with how to understand giftedness and its effect on their child. It is even more difficult for a six-, eight-, or ten-year-old to grasp its full meaning, and place it in a context that makes sense. These children already know they are different, as do the other children around them. They have most likely weathered boredom and frustration in classes geared toward the average learner. They may have already experienced both positive and negative feedback about their interests, quirks, and academic talents. While the label of “gifted” provides some validation for what they already know about themselves, it can also create uncertainty, misunderstanding, and even anxiety.

Children look to parents to provide a framework for understanding what the term gifted really means. The following are possible explanations you might suggest to your child:

1.  Gifted is just a word. It doesn’t mean someone is better than someone else. It was named a long time ago because people felt that it was a “gift” to be able to read well/solve problems quickly/paint beautifully/(you fill in the blanks). People might feel the same way about kids who can run really fast or dunk basketballs easily. It is a very fortunate thing when something comes easily to someone. But it does not make them better than anyone else. People are special for all kinds of wonderful reasons. Being gifted does not make someone any more special than the next person.

  

2.  Gifted is a word given to kids who have different learning needs. (Yes, it sounds like jargon. But it is an accurate way of confirming and explaining why your child needs accelerated/enriched/differentiated learning instruction.) Everyone is different. Just like some people are taller or shorter than others, or more or less athletic, some people need a different approach in school to make learning more interesting.

3.  You were found to be “gifted” because of some tests you took. We asked the school to give you these tests because you complained about being bored. We knew that if the testing labeled you as “gifted,” we could ask the school to give you more interesting work. We didn't care if you were gifted or not. We didn't care what score you got on the test. The only reason for taking it was to give you more choices in school. (Note: it is never a good idea to tell a young child his or her IQ score.)

4.  Giftedness is something that is a part of you, just like your eye color or height. It doesn't come from how hard you work in school, and will not go away if you slack off. It is always there and gives you some great choices to do some really creative/intensive/interesting/(you fill in the blanks) things. If you work hard, you can achieve a lot. If you don’t, you will lose out on the opportunities your abilities have given you. Just like you can decide what clothes you wear or what haircut you get, only YOU can decide how to use your abilities.

5.  Giftedness comes in all shapes and sizes. Some kids are really gifted with math. Some are great writers. Some are born leaders. Others paint up a storm. Occasionally, a few gifted children are good at many things; most are not. You have your subjects in school that come really easily to you, and have interests that you love. We hope you continue to put a lot of energy into these things. But you still need to work hard in those areas that are not easy for you. 

6.  Gifted children sometimes feel they are different from other kids. Even if you like how easy school is, it can be uncomfortable when you feel like you are different from a lot of the other kids in your class. It’s normal to feel this way. We can help you to figure out what to say if other kids make comments about your interests. We also can help you find things you do have in common with some of the other kids or help you find outside activities that school does not offer.

These ideas are just a few suggestions for starting a conversation with your gifted child. You will need to modify them to suit your child’s needs, and incorporate your family's beliefs and values. What is most important, though, is conveying that giftedness and achievements play no role in how much you love and appreciate your child.

If you have some suggestions for what to say to your child, please offer them in the comments section below.

Read more

Are You Nurturing Your Gifted Child?

This may sound like a simple question and most parents would respond with a resounding, “YES!” Of course, you feed and protect your child. However, nurturing also means to support, to encourage, to bring up, to train, and to educate. Do you do this or do you allow others to do it for you?

This isn’t a nature vs. nurture debate. If your child has been identified as gifted, do you nurture them. Believe it or not, I have worked with many parents over the years who take it for granted that their gifted child/children have needs beyond food, clothing and shelter. They lead busy lives and too often overlook the fact that parenting gifted kids is an {awesome} responsibility.

Let me ask the question in a different way. Do you spend quality time with your children? Do you talk to your children about their feelings, their dreams, the things they are anxious about? Do you read to your children even when they can read themselves? Do you model the behaviors you hope to see in them? Do you support your child while encouraging independence in tough situations? Do you listen to your children; really listen? Really?

Many of the world’s problems could be solved if we as parents spent more time nurturing our children ~ our ‘gifts’ ~ guiding them into adulthood and beyond. Parenthood is truly a never ending story. From toddler to teen to young adults … they need you to be there for them.

Recent research tells us that peer relationships have a much greater influence in the lives of our children than do parents. That doesn’t mean that we stop trying; it means we must work even harder at being a part of their lives.

Don’t know how to do this? Network with other parents of gifted children. Educate yourself about the meaning of giftedness {{self-discovery may come into play}}. Plan family activities that encourage creativity and critical thinking whenever possible. Believe in your child even when they doubt themselves.

It’s not an easy job ‘to bring up’ a gifted child, but it certainly is rewarding! Don’t sweat the small stuff; it’s not worth it. Find joy in every moment you spend together and then you can, indeed, say that you do nurture your gifted child!

Read more

Countering misinformation: How parents can challenge stereotypes and misconceptions about giftedness

“She says her child is gifted. What makes her think he’s so special?” Most parents cringe at the thought of overhearing those words. The dreaded backlash that comes from misinformation and envy is a nightmare for parents of “gifted” children. No one wants to be seen as an elitist, overindulgent, blindly adoring parent. “She must be a Tiger Mom. She’s hot-housing her kid. He thinks his child can do no wrong. They think she deserves more than other kids. They think they’re better than us.”

These cutting words devalue the family, the child, and the vast numbers of teachers, researchers, and psychologists who have educated, studied and counseled gifted children. These slings and arrows vaguely ring of stereotyping that now would be considered shocking if applied to parents of a child with dyslexia or ADHD. Parents who advocate for their learning disabled child are rarely labeled as “flash-card parents,” overinvolved and obsessed with achievement; those who seek counseling for a child who is anxious because of failing in school are rarely viewed as overindulgent.

Parents of gifted children are often regarded with caution by those who do not understand that giftedness is a learning difference, identified through careful assessment, and marked by an IQ at least two standard deviations above the norm. It is not an achievement parents create through early intervention, immersion in rigorous preschool programs, or French lessons at age five. While educational enrichment can certainly enhance learning for anyone, it does not produce giftedness.

As a result, parents often feel isolated, lonely and misunderstood, a striking parallel to how their child may feel at school. In addition to worrying about whether their child will fit in, they also struggle with how they can be a part of the school community when their child is so different. They may downplay their child’s successes, and even offer a disclaimer when describing him to others, noting his flaws and negative traits in an attempt to avoid any appearance of bragging. A blog post on poignantly highlights the loneliness one parent experiences when trying to describe her gifted child's 

abilities.

Parents need to educate the misinformed.

It would be ideal and certainly convenient if families could rely on schools, the media or even governmental agencies to spread the word. But that is not going to happen. At least not just yet. While various advocates, researchers, educators, and organizations support gifted education, they face an uphill battle in the face of budget constraints and divergent priorities and demands. Rather than apologizing for gifted children’s abilities, parents may need to assume the role of educator when speaking to others who do not understand. Here are some ideas you might want to try:

Help the misinformed appreciate your child’s learning style. Explain that your child thrives in an environment that challenges his interest in scientific investigation. Or mathematical problem-solving. Or visual-spatial thinking. Inform them that based on the school’s assessment, your child requires some different instruction that will engage his interests more fully. Instead of noting his advanced abilities, explain that he has developmental needs that are somewhat out of sync with his actual age, warranting subject acceleration or enriched instruction. Just like kids walk and talk at different ages and stages, some learn math or reading at different ages as well.

Explain that all kids learn differently, and that your child's educational needs are not always met in the regular classroom. Without appropriate accommodations, your child will not receive an adequate education. Children who learn “differently” and do not receive appropriate accommodations sometimes fail to learn, act out, lose interest in school, become a distraction for their peers, or develop unhealthy behaviors outside of school. You do not want this for your child. No parent would. That is why you are advocating for appropriate instruction.

Remind the misinformed that gifted services follow from a careful psychoeducational assessment. You are not demanding these services. You didn't twist anyone's arm. If your child did not qualify for them based on a thorough , she would not be receiving them. The district has agreed to provide your child with the additional services she requires for her education. 

Avoid using the “smart” word. You know your child is smart. Beyond smart. Yet, “smart” is not particularly descriptive, has an evaluative connotation, and evokes an emotional reaction in the listener. Along those lines, avoid using the term “gifted” as well. While technically accurate, , as it arouses confusion, envy, and bitterness. 

Sharing your greatest excitement, fears and concerns about your gifted child may need to be reserved for your closest family and friends, and for other parents of gifted children who truly understand. Over time, though, you may be able to educate the misinformed enough to freely use the "gifted" word without apology or hesitation. The suggestions above are several examples of what might help toward educating others about your child's needs. Perhaps you could add some of your own ideas in the comments section below.

Read more

The gifted child’s lament: How to adjust to an unjust world

But it’s not fair! That’s a familiar cry to most parents. What parent has not weathered the complaints, whines, and pleas from children bemoaning the hardships of bedtime, putting the toy back on the store’s shelf, or having to sit through their sister’s recital? What makes this common complaint different for gifted children, though, is their intensity and deep interest in what is fair and just. 

Even when they are quite young, gifted children often demonstrate a preoccupation with “fairness” and show sensitivity toward the plight of others. These are the preschoolers who empathize with a sad playmate, the young child who soothes his distressed sibling, or the kindergartner who is outraged when a storybook character is unfairly treated.


According to Silverman (1994), advanced moral sensitivity is an essential component of giftedness.  She noted that the more asynchronous their expression of this sensitivity, (i.e., when their intellectual strengths are far ahead of their social or physical development), the more vulnerable they will feel. The child may become overwhelmed with compassion, but lack the maturity to cope effectively with these emotions. Children who are more advanced in their perceptions of fairness and justice may find themselves out of sync with peers who lack similar perceptions, or may stand up to peers over moral infractions, and become ostracized as a result. If a gifted child witnesses bullying, for example, he may stand up for the victim, and then become bullied as well. These children benefit from adults who can help them understand that their observations are perceptive, accurate and compassionate, but they need to channel their reactions in a manner that their peers can understand.

As they mature, gifted children become more aware of injustice as it unfolds around them.  The catalyst could be the seemingly unfair reprimand a classmate receives for an infraction he didn’t commit, a rebuff from an unrequited love because of an imperfect body type, or the developing awareness of poverty, racism, gender discrimination, and other forms of social injustice. They are keenly aware of the flaws and imperfections in their parents, teachers and political leaders.  They try to grasp the enormity of injustice, war, politics, natural disaster and existential mysteries, and may respond with sadness, anxiety, anger, or even indifference when the burden seems too overwhelming.

Sensitivity to fairness and justice also may foster a need to question rules and norms that seem unjust. This can alienate peers, if it involves challenging social norms and beliefs. It also can create conflict with adults and authority figures who may not appreciate the confrontation. As , adult authority may hold little credibility for many gifted adolescents.

How can parents and teachers help gifted children navigate their quest for justice?

1. Validate their perceptions, since they may feel that others do not understand. Show compassion for their feelings. Help them recognize that although others may not see the world as they do, they still need to find their way. Help them develop a strategy for navigating within a system that may seem imperfect.

2. Help young children put their feelings into perspective. Reassure them when appropriate, and comfort them just as you would when they experience distress for other reasons. Their reactions to events may seem extreme, and this calls for even more support and encouragement; however, this does not mean focusing excessively on their fears. Put their worries in an age-appropriate context they can understand.

3. Offer opportunities to channel their energies into community service or volunteer activities, so they can feel that they are helping others or confronting injustice. Even small efforts, such as encouraging letter-writing to challenge an unfair ruling, can help them feel a sense of accomplishment.

4. Accept that they will challenge authority if rules are mandated without explanation. Just as gifted individuals abhor rote learning, they rebel against rules that seem pointless. Whenever possible, provide a rationale for rules and procedures. When this is not possible, gifted adolescents may need support to accept the reality that sometimes they have to tolerate situations that seem unfair

.

5. Encourage them to "give back." Help them recognize that  their “gift” includes the ability to perceive injustice when it exists, to identify creative alternatives, and to use their intellectual skills toward finding solutions. Many gifted adults feel enriched when they use their talents to shape a better world for others.

Silverman, L.K. (1994). The moral sensitivity of gifted children and the evolution of society. Roeper Review, 17, 110-116.

  

Read more

Public High School Survival Guide for gifted students

How can gifted adolescents get the most out of public high school? What does it take to create an inviting, supportive learning environment? Can a highly gifted student survive public school and feel confident, happy and socially engaged?

Most public schools scramble to meet the educational needs of gifted children (see  for an example of necessary educational goals). What also must be considered is the social milieu and if it will foster confident and well-adjusted students, or suppress and inhibit their drive to learn. Can a public high school offer the enrichment, variety of experiences, and enough like-minded peers to provide a safe haven for gifted adolescents? Will they be able to assert their differences, embrace their love of learning, and express their talents, or instead, feel misunderstood, isolated, belittled or bullied? Some gifted teens downplay their talents to fit in, feel guilty when they succeed without exerting much effort, and avoid situations where their accomplishments are recognized. Many strategically weigh the choice between academic enrichment and social success, and believe that one must be sacrificed to achieve the other.

Not all gifted adolescents have difficulty in public school, however. And private education is not always the answer, even when financially possible (see ). Public school can offer a variety of academic and extracurricular options sometimes unavailable at private schools. Here are some tips to help gifted teens improve their high school experience:

1. Take as many challenging classes and extra-curricular opportunities as possible. The more you challenge yourself, the more you will feel stimulated, interested in learning, and engaged with peers who share the same interests.

   

2  Find a peer group with similar values and interests. Look for like-minded peers who share the same passions. Gifted adolescents may be independent, but thrive when they feel connected to friends who accept and understand them. Extra-curricular activities can be a great place to find students with similar interests. Some examples include: film club, theatre, the debate team, chess club, robotics team, or volunteering for a meaningful political cause.

3.  Find a mentor. See if you can connect with a teacher, coach, or gifted education teacher who is supportive and someone you respect and trust. Often teachers may know of other students who have similar interests, can start a new club or activity, or provide guidance when social interactions go awry.

4.  Find a safe haven. Look for a club, activities room (e.g., art studio, computer lab), or a teacher’s classroom where you feel comfortable and accepted. It may be easier to face the rest of the day knowing that there is at least one place where you can relax and be yourself.

5.  Take risks. Push yourself beyond your comfort zone, accelerate or take a college class if possible, try a difficult extra-curricular or sport, go to school social events, or start a charitable organization. Holding back may mean playing it safe, but often results in boredom, apathy, and hesitation to try new challenges in the future.

Despite its larger size and the inevitable rules and regulations, public schools can offer a wealth of resources, a vast array of extracurricular opportunities, and a niche where most gifted teens can find a home. It just may take some time to hit your stride. Take some risks, ask for support when needed, and get involved!

Read more