Don't wait to get your gifted child tested!

Accurate identification of giftedness is necessary to determine what specific academic services your child needs. It also provides documentation when advocacy is warranted. While states and districts have varying requirements for gifted identification (see for more), many districts circumvent these requirements by creating roadblocks and delays. Yet, rather than request testing when they suspect their child is gifted, some parents just wait for the school to decide if testing is indicated. And some refuse to grant approval for any testing at all. 

Why do some parents refuse testing for their child?

Insufficient information.Most parents know their own child, but don’t have a classroom full of children against which they can compare abilities. While they may suspect that their child is gifted, they may not feel justified for testing. “Who are we to think our child is so smart?”

Parents may trust the school’s judgment when determining whether their child should be tested. Yet, in many schools, gifted children may be overlooked, and teachers and administration often convince parents that their child is already receiving appropriate services. There is also a common misconception that bright children have been prepped before they start school, and their strengths will dissipate over time. As a result, many schools arbitrarily delay gifted evaluations until students are well beyond third or fourth grade, even though testing children between the ages of five and eight is considered ideal. 

Apathy. Some parents believe that the “gifted program” in their district is a waste of time. Maybe it just involves extra homework. Perhaps it is only an hour pull-out a week. Some may have tried to advocate in the past and met with such resistance that they gave up. Others may feel it is not worth the time and effort, and make the decision to enrich their child’s education on their own. In these situations, parents have been led to believe they have little recourse to change the system, and cannot request additional services for their child. 

Concerns about consequences.  Parents worry about what they might find out from the evaluation. “Could our child also have a learning disability? What if he or she is not as bright as we thought? How will we explain to our child that he or she is gifted?” These concerns sometimes deter parents from requesting an evaluation, since they have little guidance about how they will cope with these possible outcomes. 

Most schools fail to help parents understand the benefits of testing, how it can aid them with developing a plan geared toward appropriate academic instruction, and how they can assist the parent and child with their . And when school staff are either misinformed or philosophically opposed to gifted identification, they may persuade parents to refuse an evaluation. It may be suggested, for example, that their child could be traumatized if he or she “fails” the testing, or might be ostracized by peers for being different if identified as gifted.

Should parents decline testing because of these concerns?

While these concerns may be reasonable to consider at first, the benefits of testing usually outweigh any initial doubts. Here are some reasons for moving ahead with testing:

1.  An evaluation will provide you and the school with a wealth of information about your child’s strengths, weaknesses and academic needs. An IQ test offers more than just a number; your child’s abilities are assessed in a range of areas that will help you and your school with academic planning. (For a helpful description of IQ testing, see the  on testing.) The pattern of your child’s performance also provides important information about how he or she approaches new and challenging situations. Does he plan carefully and take his time? Does she rush or become frustrated if challenged? The pattern of responses is particularly important when evaluating gifted children, because many demonstrate large differences in scores between subtests. (For a great discussion of this, see .) A skilled psychologist can help you understand the reasons for any discrepancies and how to integrate this information into a meaningful academic plan.

 2.  Your child cannot “fail” the test. It is a measure of relative strengths and weaknesses based on age-based norms. Despite common misconceptions, you cannot “hothouse” your child to do well on these tests; studying and preparation are not required. IQ testing occurs in a one-to-one situation that asks a child to try out new skills, and stops each section of the test before it becomes too stressful. The psychologist typically tries to put the child at ease, and many children enjoy the individual attention they receive.

If your child’s overall IQ score does not meet criteria for gifted services, you can still request enrichment for your child in those areas of strength identified by the evaluation. If the score was close to the cut-off, typically an IQ score of 130, you may want to see if your child could be reevaluated the following year, especially if the psychologist noted any circumstances that might have contributed to an artificially lower score. For example, some gifted children are not identified because of fine motor skill weaknesses, or a tendency to ponder over the correct response (decreasing their score during timed tests), which can deflate their overall score. Common situations such as insufficient sleep the night before, hunger, or frustration over missing recess can influence test performance. Underidentification also occurs when children come from underprivileged or culturally different backgrounds, or where English is spoken as a second language. 

3.  It is worth getting an evaluation, even if the “gifted program” in your school district is less than adequate. Some parents doubt the benefits of the “gifted program” in the school and think it is not worth the effort. Even if the “program” lacks credibility, gifted identification still may offer your child options that might not be available without the label. The information the evaluation provides is still valuable in terms of understanding your child’s abilities, and can aid with advocating for improved individualized services. It is also useful should you move, transfer your child to another school, or decide to homeschool your child.

4. Fears about what a gifted evaluation will uncover are common. Most parents eventually learn to face these fears and find that the test results are a meaningful overview of their child's strengths and weaknesses. The evaluation may validate what the parents already suspect, but also may provide some surprises in terms of exceptional abilities, untapped strengths, or learning problems. Many learning disabilities remain undetected among bright and gifted children because their intellectual strengths allow them to compensate for their difficulties. By evaluating your child at a relatively young age, any suspected learning differences can be identified and hopefully addressed through appropriate instruction.

Concerns about explaining test results to a child strikes fear in many parents. While it is best to avoid sharing an actual IQ score with a young child, it is certainly helpful to explain findings in terms of strengths and weaknesses, especially since this most likely confirms what your child already suspects. You can , and place it in a context your child can understand. If you are concerned about isolation from peers, gifted identification will do little more than confirm what your child and his or her peers already know.

Don’t wait until the school recommends that your child get an evaluation. 

If you suspect your child might be gifted, find out the procedures for requesting an evaluation. These guidelines should be available through your school district. Keep in mind that some children are less likely to be “noticed” by teachers and referred for evaluation. Children who are frequently overlooked for testing can be children of color; children from underprivileged, lower socio-economic backgrounds; less verbal, visual-spatial learners; non-English speaking children; gifted children with other disabilities (twice exceptional gifted learners); and less cooperative students. Do not assume that teachers or administrators will automatically recognize your child's abilities or refer your child for testing.

Some teachers and schools are proactive about prescreening students for giftedness and others are not. Even group ability tests used to prescreen for gifted evaluations can miss students who are easily distracted, become anxious during testing, or who are already bored with school. As a parent, you will need to keep this on your radar, and advocate for individualized testing when needed. Gifted  toward ensuring that your child receives an appropriate and meaningful education. It may be up to you to set the wheels in motion!

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Searching for Meaning ~ Idealism, Bright Minds, Disillusionment and Hope

Searching for Meaning

           

           “Until my college experience, I thought my family’s life was quite good –

        that it was the way things were supposed to be – and I assumed that

          everyone should share those same values, behaviors and world views.

            My roommate, to whom I now owe much gratitude, patiently listened as

        I tried to persuade him of the validity and righteousness of my limited

       and traditional views … His gentle confrontations were a distressing

      jolt to me that generated an assortment of strong feelings. Though I

wanted to dismiss these new ideas, I found that I could not. 

I BEGAN TO THINK.” ~ from the Introduction

I started reading Searching for Meaning based on the reputation of the author, Dr. James T. Webb. After finishing the first few chapters, I felt it would help me to be a better parent. But … ultimately, I found myself; and a resolution to decades of confusion and self-doubt. By the end of the book, I realized that it had helped me become a better person with a happier and healthier outlook on life.  

To describe my feelings as a metaphor, it was like taking a trip down Memory Lane; except … suddenly road signs appeared that weren't there the first time. A new understanding swept over me and I knew why things had happened the way they did. But even more importantly … now I felt like I knew where I was headed!

It’s evident that the writing of this book was truly a cathartic experience for the author. His words engender a teacher – student relationship where the reader feels like a student being taught by a caring and understanding teacher who has ‘walked the walk’. Complex ideas are made simple. His insights seem the result of deeply personal experiences. 

Idealism

If you thought you knew what idealism meant before reading this book; chances are … you’ll broaden your understanding of it. Dr. Webb delves into ideals as illusions and how they can lead to disillusionment, where idealism originates, and the positives and negatives related to it. Not only does he explain ideals, but why we create and need them.

An important point to remember is that idealism is the result of seeking out purpose in one’s life and the lives of those around us. It is through questioning our very existence – deep introspection - struggling to find the answer almost daily that begins the process.

Bright Minds

           

            “Ironically, many, if not most, bright people – even those who are clearly

            gifted – are unaware of how different their mental abilities are from those

            of others and thus are also unaware of the implications that this difference

            has on their daily lives.” ~ p. 37

Searching for Meaning was certainly written for those with bright minds. Dr. Webb explains why they are more susceptible to existential depression and how Dabrowski’s over-excitabilities play a role as well.

Disillusionment

          “Unfortunately, the people who try the hardest to prove to themselves and

            others that their life has meaning are usually so busy seeking illusory

            achievements that they have little or no time to acquire or appreciate true

            meaning. But without life meaning as an anchor, people are particularly at

            risk for disintegration and existential depression.” ~ p. 168

Disillusionment and the resulting existential depression that often follows are not easy topics to read about. It is, however, a worthwhile endeavor that can change your life forever.

Hope

The good news is that there is hope. This book offers concrete suggestions on how to cope with our disillusionment and then takes us to a place where we can thrive.

I found the suggestion that we can write our own life script very intriguing. We don’t have to settle for the status quo. It is possible to gain a ‘new attitude’ and take a new path.

Searching for Meaning is the culmination of a career spent helping others to find meaning in their own existence. Dr. Webb has worked personally with many individuals who struggled with understanding their place in the grand scheme of things. This book can help you find your place in the world, too!  

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For parents of musically gifted children: Get out of your own way so your child can flourish

Part Two: Get out of your own way so your child can flourish.

Parents of gifted young musicians can support their child’s musical growth by understanding their own reactions and feelings. As noted in , parents often experience strong emotions in response to their child’s musical talent, and these emotions warrant scrutiny and management. By understanding their feelings and motivations, parents can avoid counterproductive responses and behaviors that might interfere with their child’s progress.

As hard as it might be to admit, most parents of musically gifted children experience some emotional reactions that could negatively influence their child’s progress. To be blunt, parents sometimes project their own needs, wishes and anxieties onto their child’s study, creating unnecessary confusion and conflict for their child. The potentially negative effects these emotions might have can be mitigated by recognizing, understanding and challenging the feelings and the behaviors they elicit. Some questions to consider include:

• Are you making the music too important? Has your child’s musical talent become the repository of your hopes and dreams? If you find yourself becoming overly invested in the importance of your child’s musical accomplishments, you may inadvertently convey this attitude. As a result, your child might feel compelled to pursue music primarily to please you, or conversely, might rebel and quit in protest.

• Are you expecting too much? Do you compare your child’s accomplishments to those of other young musicians, and feel frustrated that he or she is not as successful? While success in music requires dedication and diligent practice, some children lack the drive and motivation to follow through with this degree of effort. Each child progresses at his or her own pace, a product of talent, opportunity, drive and education, and comparison with other children only fosters resentment.

• Are you using misguided motivational tactics? Do you find yourself regretting harsh words and arguments over practice? Do you cringe over shaming statements and criticism that you thought might motivate your child? While you may have been influenced by some teachers, books or the media to believe that harsh discipline is a necessary part of musical instruction, it is more important to appreciate its impact on your child. The best learning comes from excitement, inspiration and intrinsic desire, not drudgery or a “boot camp” approach. While short term gains may be achieved, the long term effects can damage your child’s love of music. More importantly, it can hurt your relationship with your child.

• Do you set unrealistically high goals for your child? Are your expectations unrealistic? Do they create too much pressure and stress for your child and family? Just as intellectually gifted children may display asynchronous development, where social development lags behind intellectual abilities, musically gifted children also may not be developmentally prepared to tackle the rigorous demands required to advance their musical talent. Excessive pressure may create resistance or anxiety in a child who, frankly, needs more time to play with his or her friends.

• Do you downplay your child’s musical interest? Do you have mixed feelings about your child's participation in musical activities? Does it worry you that music may be a distraction from more productive/useful/socially acceptable interests? Are you worried about music as a future career path? While it is reasonable to express valid concerns to your child as he or she matures, especially those involving peer influences or potential career paths, communicating ambivalence without explanation is unsettling and confusing to most children.

Admitting to any of the behaviors listed above is hard enough for any parent. Understanding how your child’s musical talents evoke unmet personal needs for fulfillment, a desire for approval from others, a drive for perfection, or a range of other emotions is even more difficult.  Yet, recognizing when your own needs and wishes differ from what is in the best interest of your child is critical to , and to a healthy parent-child relationship. You can avoid “acting out” these emotions with your child by trying the following:

Get informed: 

Speak to a trusted music teacher or musician about what to expect from your child at different ages and stages of musical development. Do some reading that could provide some useful information. Books such as “Kindling the Spark” and “The Musician’s Way” are a good place to start.

Seek support: 

Reach out to family and friends for help with reactions and frustration. They know you best and will hopefully provide honest, caring feedback about what might blind your judgment. Seeking support from fellow parents of young musicians is also invaluable. Look for opportunities to join organizations such as band parent associations, for example, or form relationships with parents you meet at recitals. If your worries seem excessive, overwhelming or persistent, counseling with a mental health professional would be helpful.

Monitor your child’s behavior: 

Most importantly, remain attuned to your child’s adjustment. Pay attention to whether your child truly enjoys the music. Every young musician loses interest in practicing and gets frustrated at times. But if your child repeatedly complains, or cries and becomes angry about practice or lessons, it may mean he or she needs a change. As with most aspects of parenting, raising a musically talented child involves being aware of your own feelings, but ultimately remaining attuned to your child’s needs.

Parents: what has been most helpful with your musical child?

References:

Haroutounian, J. (2002). Kindling the Spark. New York: Oxford University Press.

Klickstein, G. (2009). The Musician’s Way: A Guide to Practice, Performance and Wellness. New York: Oxford University Press.

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Parents as Partners in Learning

One of the greatest gifts we can give our children is to be an engaged partner in their lives. This involvement needs to extend to their school work. For many parents, this is a given; but not all.

There are parents who once their child is identified as gifted think they don’t need to do anything more. When I first started to organize parents in my local school district, I was appalled when a father expressed those exact sentiments to me. Fortunately, 30 other parents did not share his feelings and we eventually became a very strong and influential parent group.

So how does a parent become a partner? Some of the most precious memories I have of my daughter when she was in elementary school are of the nights we spent reading together. Even though she was an excellent reader, far above grade-level; I still read to her. She chose the books and I did the reading. She could have easily read them herself, but it was far more enjoyable reading together.

Gifted children are extremely sensitive to how adults feel about them. They appreciate interaction with the adults in their lives. Parents and grandparents can make a real difference in developing a love for learning.

The opportunities are endless when you take the time to look for them. Explore options available at your child’s school first. Next, consider your child’s personal interests and then research possibilities with your child which will nurture these interests.

Like many children, my daughter loved dinosaurs. As a very young child, we made weekly visits to the library to find books on dinosaurs. As she grew older, we spent many weekends at a nearby natural history museum. Later, we incorporated side-trips on family vacations to include visits to known dinosaur sites. When a world-renown archaeologist came to our museum, we attended his lecture together. We eventually even met one of her most favorite archaeologists at a museum reception.

Did she grow up to be an archaeologist? No. Does it matter? Absolutely not. What did matter was that my daughter knew I cared about her and encouraged her to follow her interests.

Learning for gifted kids is so much more than scoring ‘advanced’ on standardized tests, winning awards or finishing at the top of the class. These things may well happen, but their memories will be sweeter if they include the special times bonding with you over a favorite book or walking over the foot prints of a long gone dinosaur in a now exposed river bed. Take time to become a partner in learning with your child. 

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Parenting a musically talented child: Understanding your own reactions so you can encourage your child

Part One: Awareness

Most parents delight when their child performs in a recital or school concert. Yet they usually recognize that these musical efforts are an enriching activity and not a future career path. What happens, though, when parents realize that their child is musically gifted? How do they react to this, support their child’s growth as a musician, and make the best choices for their child and family?

Although parents may suspect that their child has talent, it usually takes outside confirmation to validate their perceptions. Often it comes from a music teacher or instructor, and is reinforced as the family witnesses how their child surpasses other children and grasps music in a manner well beyond the child’s years. When parents eventually realize that their child is musically gifted, they may be flooded with a range of feelings. How well they manage their feelings and reactions, and how these reactions are conveyed to their child can influence their child’s attitudes toward music. 

Developing an awareness of these emotions is a critical first step toward gaining a handle on them. Without understanding what they are feeling, parents may end up responding in counterproductive ways. The first step is recognizing the typical reactions most parents experience. These may include:

Excitement – Parents are often thrilled when they realize that their child is musically talented. They may take pride in their child’s abilities, and perhaps even feel in awe of his or her talents. If the child is their biological offspring, reactions may range from immodest pride (“I guess he’s got my musical skills”) to bewilderment (“how did I end up with such a talented child?”). Parents who are also musicians may feel a special bond with their child, as they can fully appreciate the child’s experience.  

Uncertainty – Along with excitement, parents often feel uncertainty. Many wonder . And if they are not musicians themselves, entering an unfamiliar world of new terminology and expectations can be particularly daunting. They may question whether they can find the best resources for training, how to assess their child’s teacher or music class, and if they will be able to afford the costs of lessons, ensembles, camps and other opportunities. They may wonder what role they should play in their child’s daily routine and how much to push their child. Should they be a taskmaster and insist on regular practice, or allow their child to develop at his or her own pace? Have they done enough to foster their child’s musical growth and development? Even if they follow advice from teachers and other musicians, nagging doubts may remain.

Fears - After the initial excitement fades, many parents worry about what lies ahead. Music study takes tremendous discipline and dedication, and the commitment often eliminates time for other extra-curricular or social opportunities. Parents may feel conflict over limiting their child's extra-curricular choices to make time for dedicated practice. Some parents also worry that their child will be ostracized because of appearing different, and will be unpopular, especially if he or she performs traditional classical music or musical theatre. If their child performs jazz, rock or alternative forms of music, parents may worry about negative peer influences their child may eventually encounter. Long-range concerns include college planning, realistic career choices and whether a music career can sustain a viable income.

Emotional turmoil – Parents also weather the emotional ups and downs of their child’s successes and failures. Pride and excitement following a solid performance, anxiety prior to an audition, or frustration when their child lags behind with practicing all come with the territory. Parents may be surprised to discover their own competitive feelings toward children who surpass their child at auditions, or feel guilt due to ambivalence about their child’s involvement with music. Some may resent the cost of lessons and instruments, and the time spent traveling to rehearsals or competitions. Many feel saddened and angry if their talented child fails to live up to his or her potential or gives up music completely.

Raising a musically talented child can be invigorating, frustrating, intense, infuriating, worrisome, joyful, and deeply fulfilling. Parents' increased awareness of their own feelings will improve their ability to support their child by reducing the tendency to respond in a counterproductive manner. (More about this in ) Once parents are aware of their reactions, thoughts and feelings, they can take steps to minimize any negative effects on themselves and their children.

will focus on what parents can do to address their reactions. But the first step is awareness. Are there any reactions that you would like to share?

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Revelations: The School for Gifted Potentials

Revelations is the second in a series ~ The School for Gifted Potentials ~ from Allis Wade and is as engaging as her first book – Orientation. In this new volume, we see Everett and his friends adjust to everyday life at their new school.

From my review of Orientation:

“Set one hundred years in the future, this story has the familiarity of a young

adult fantasy/science fiction novel …an enchanting tale of a boy unaware of

his origins and unsure of his future. Ringing dystopian for some and utopian

for others, the main character – Everett – lives in a world where gifted children

are sought out for their intellectual gifts and talents; and then whisked off to

a residential school where they are rarely ever allowed to see their families

again.” (The full review may be read .)

Revelationslives up to its title. There are many answers revealed from the first book, but just as many new questions are raised. The tangled web woven by his mother begins to unravel as the reader learns the truth behind Everett’s admission to the SFGP. But … all is not as it appears at the School for Gifted Potentials!

One thing is for sure … there is nothing predictable in this story line – nothing! It is layer upon layer of good writing and great strategies for parents and teachers of gifted students. Allis Wade takes complex concepts associated with giftedness and makes them understandable for all. Her experiences with gifted children are evident throughout the book.

The author does not shy away from difficult situations ~ separation of mother and son, sibling rivalry, and the inequity prevalent in real world schools between regular education and gifted education. She delves deeply into parental struggles … love lost; a fatherless child; lies told to children in an attempt to protect them; a mother’s love so strong she is willing to lose her child in order to provide him with the best possible education.

Who is the audience for this series? Gifted students will learn how to deal with bullying, perfectionism, coping with failure, asynchronous development and Dweck’s work on mindsets. Parents will learn about Dabrowski’s Theory of Over-Excitabilities. Teachers will see how to incorporate Project-Based Learning into their curriculum, build meaningful relationships with their students and see the possibilities of ‘teacher-as-coach’.

There are many books written about gifted education and giftedness. Good fictional tales, however, involving gifted children are few and far between. I encourage parents to read these books and then pass them on to their children as I believe both will benefit from the them.

Everett has a tough decision to make about his future at the end of Revelations. The reader has an easier task – awaiting the arrival of the next book from Allis Wade. I personally hope that the wait is a short one!

Postscript: Discussion questions at the end of the book are just what you would expect from an author who is also a teacher. This addition makes the book a perfect choice to be used in a gifted classroom. These thought provoking questions will guide the readers to a better understanding of the nature of giftedness.

Addendum: My thanks to the author for providing a digital copy of this book for review. 

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Supporting musically talented children: Challenging social and emotional roadblocks to success

Musically talented children often face an uphill battle when trying to maintain enthusiasm for their studies. What typically starts with excitement and focused effort can end in boredom, apathy and disappointment. Several authors (e.g., Haroutounian, 2002; Parncutt & McPherson, 2002) have offered ideas for enhancing musical training and motivating young musicians. Yet, parents often question how to support and sustain their child’s passion when interest starts to wane.

Along with offering training that enriches their musical education, it is just as important to anticipate, challenge and eliminate social and emotional barriers to success.While the technical challenges and demands of music performance are an ever present reality, children need help navigating the emotional pressure and uncertainty they may experience at different stages of their progress.

Offering emotional support to musically talented children is often as critical as the music instruction itself. 

Some of the emotional roadblocks parents and teachers may need to address to support gifted young musicians include the following:

1.  Boredom – Repetitive practice, studies that fail to spark interest, and distraction can sap the drive and passion out of any aspiring young musician. Attention span varies depending on the child’s age, as younger musicians may need more breaks and shorter practice time, and adolescents may need an environment free from competing distractions, such as electronics, phones and other interruptions. Capturing their interest and engaging their creative spark is essential. Adolescents need a sense of purpose and understanding of the methodology to their practice (i.e.,”why am I doing this?”), and may quickly lose interest if they dislike, misunderstand or dispute why they need to practice in a certain manner. Some rudimentary understanding of music theory may help to spark their intellectual curiosity and help them stay motivated.

2.  Perfectionism – While music performance ultimately requires perfecting one’s repertoire, some gifted young musicians become preoccupied with achieving unrealistic results and develop exceptionally high standards for themselves. They become frustrated and self-critical if they fail to achieve their goals, and may allow a real or perceived setback to undermine their confidence and overall sense of well-being.  While a goal-oriented approach and dedication to one’s craft is admirable, it can be a curse for a child who buckles under pressure to succeed beyond what is reasonable. Perfectionism is a characteristic that has been frequently associated with giftedness, and as Silverman (1999) has noted, it can be a catalyst toward excellence and not necessarily a sign of emotional disturbance. However, musically talented children who are unable to strive for excellence without unrealistically rigid and harsh expectations, and who cannot modify these standards with the support of parents and teachers may need counseling to learn to challenge these beliefs.

3.  Performance anxiety–  These fears can include worries about being judged, freezing under pressure, making mistakes in public, forgetting a part when performing from memory, or being the center of attention. While a problem that often plagues even accomplished musicians, Kemp & Mills (2002) pointed out that performance anxiety affects young musicians as well. A variety of cognitive, mindfulness and imagery tools can be helpful. Green (1986) offers an excellent resource for challenging thoughts and behaviors that contribute to these fears. If performance anxiety interferes significantly, counseling also may be beneficial.

4.  Disappointment – All musicians eventually face rejection. Helping children handle disappointment requires significant effort from parents, as these children may lack the developmental tools for understanding how “unfair” the world can be. Gifted children, in particular, have an acute sense of , and may become outraged or disillusioned if they feel someone has been mistreated. Adolescents may give up their musical goals completely if disappointed, choosing to abandon their dreams rather than suffer another rejection. They also must grapple with feelings of envy when others surpass them, and may respond with anger, bitterness, or despair. Adults need to help children put their feelings into perspective and learn that they cannot control some of the unpredictable variables associated with success. However, they can focus on their own progress, learn what they can change so that they improve, and develop a plan that will allow them to reach their goals.

5.  Social isolation– Although many musically gifted children are introverted (Kemp & Mills, 2002), they may still suffer from the negative effects of social isolation. Focusing for hours on practice is a solitary activity that also may preclude participation in other extra-curricular or social activities. Performing in a band, choir or ensemble is enriching, but practice can be a lonely pursuit. Children who are not musically trained often do not understand how much dedication and practice is required, and may tease or cajole the young musician to stop practicing. Gifted young musicians need to be reminded of their goal, find meaning in their practice, and build in breaks where they have contact with others to alleviate feelings of isolation. Frequent participation in music ensembles can provide much needed relief from isolation, providing shared purpose and goals, a sense of unity with others, and an opportunity to meet friends with similar interests.

5.  Anxiety about career paths – Many adolescent musicians realistically question whether music is a viable career path. They are aware of the job market and the highly competitive struggle to find meaningful work. Parents and teachers can help them identify whether their talent and passion may be sufficient to sustain the challenge of pursuing a performance career, or if they are temperamentally suited to pursue another goal, such as music education, music technology, or music administration. Rather than dismissing their dream of a music career, providing realistic information about costs, salaries, job prospects, and lifestyle factors is important in guiding them to the right decision.

Offering emotional support to musically talented children is often as critical as the music instruction itself. Many potential careers have been thwarted by disillusionment and anxiety, and might have been salvaged with some clear support and guidance. or teachers of theses remarkable students, but must be considered an essential component to their success.

* An expanded version of this article is published in the National Association of Gifted Children Arts Newsletter, Vol. 1, Issue 1, Fall, 2013.

References

Green, B. (1986). The Inner Game of Music. New York: Doubleday.

Haroutounian, J. (2002). Kindling the Spark. New York: Oxford University Press.

Kemp, A. & Mills, J. (2002). Musical potential. In Parncutt, R., & McPherson, G. (Eds.) The Science and  Psychology of Performance, (Pp. 3-16). New York: Oxford University Press. 

Parncutt, R., & McPherson, G. (Eds.) The Science and  Psychology of Performance. New York: Oxford University Press.

Silverman, L. (1999). Perfectionism: The crucible of giftedness. Advanced Development, 8, 47-61. 

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Gifted education "lite": Helping your child adapt

When a child is identified for gifted services, parents usually feel relief. “Finally, my child will get the education he needs.” “Now she’ll be challenged and energized by learning.” But what many parents soon realize is that the much anticipated gifted program has gaping holes, glaring inadequacies and an array of watered-down services. It starts to look more like “gifted lite” than a bona fide educational plan.

It’s not that most schools don’t attempt to meet gifted children’s needs. It’s just that budgetary constraints, , or philosophical differences frequently place limits on what is offered. Sometimes gifted children receive no more than one hour a week of a pull-out program. Sometimes, they get a few extra assignments. Sometimes they are enlisted to tutor other children. These inadequate attempts at gifted education fail to address the full-time needs of children who are gifted all day long, not just for a few hours of enriched instruction.

Until the public school system offers more than a lukewarm attempt at meeting the needs of its gifted children, parents are left to advocate for their children. Many spend years , administrators, and school board members, achieving only incremental success. Other parents pursue , cyber school, or home schooling. These outside alternatives may provide more enriched and individualized programs for gifted children, but might not be locally available, financially feasible, or even appropriate for a given child or family. offers a wealth of benefits private schools cannot provide (such as a greater selection of classes and extra-curricular activities, as well as sociocultural diversity), and an exodus of students from the school district does nothing to improve a system that taxpayers fund. (See a recent blog post about this on )

So, how can you help your child when your school’s best option looks a lot like gifted education “lite?” How do you prepare your child for an imperfect and sometimes disappointing classroom experience? How can you help your child adapt?

1.  Advocacy

First, let your child know that you will continue to for the services she needs. Help her understand and explain why she may feel impatient or bored with some of her classes. Let her know that all of the children in her class deserve an appropriate education, not just the gifted kids.  With only one teacher, sometimes not everyone gets what they need. Let her know that you will continue to work with the school to see if they can offer more interesting material for her, if possible. Until then, she will have to adapt to the situation.

2.  Practice Assertive Skills  

Help your child learn to tactfully and appropriately assert himself. Teach him how to ask for more challenging school work in a manner that is most likely to work. Teachers respond best to children who are assertive, but not pushy, clingy or demanding. You could role play various situations with your child to help him learn what to say. Teach him to notice cues, so he can avoid interrupting the teacher at inconvenient times. Help him identify what he might want to say. For example, he may want to study a topic in greater depth, write a creative story about an area of interest, or tackle more challenging math problems. When he is detailed and specific, it saves the teacher time and effort, and increases the likelihood that he will receive material tailored to his interests.

3.  Banish Boredom

Teach your child creative ideas for enriching her learning experience. If she complains about feeling bored in class (and you have exhausted your options for obtaining enriched/accelerated alternatives), help her develop strategies for entertaining herself. For example, she could (silently) ask herself more in depth questions about the subject matter, invent a rhyme for what she is learning, or compose a musical tune to link together material she is reading. Helping your child learn how to manage feelings of boredom in class is a skill that will be a benefit to her in a variety of situations.

4.  Model Tolerance

Contain your anger as much as possible. You may certainly want to validate your child’s feelings and empathize with how bored he might feel. However, it will fuel your child’s frustration if you complain about the program’s inadequacies. Your reaction can serve as a model for how to be persistent with advocacy, but also respectful toward the individuals involved, and strategic in identifying what battles to pick. You can be a role model of patience, tolerance, and acceptance in the face of disappointment.

Many gifted children recognize that some classes, programs, and years in school are more engaging and challenging than others. They benefit from an understanding that this ebb and flow will continue throughout their time in school. Until public education is able to consistently support the needs of gifted children and adolescents, parents can help their children develop the skills, creativity and patience to learn as much as possible in an imperfect situation. 

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When children realize they are gifted

Maybe it happens when they realize that they can multiply and their classmates cannot even add. Maybe it’s when they figure out there’s no Santa or Tooth Fairy, long before their friends know. Maybe it’s when the same old games their friends are playing just seem silly and boring.

AHA!!!

At some point, gifted children recognize that they are different from their peers. No one has to tell them. They realize it on their own. Often there is a defining moment when it first registers that they “get it” in ways others will never grasp. Frequently this realization is accompanied by pride and excitement, but sometimes by confusion or even guilt. “Hey, I thought my friends were just like me. Why don’t they see things the same way? What does it mean if I figure things out so quickly? Will it mean I’ll always be different?”

Young children don’t understand what “gifted” means. But they do notice the fuss parents and teachers make about their abilities.  When too much praise is offered, they may become confused. “I don’t get any reward for cleaning up my toys, but they make a big deal about something that comes so easily to me.” “Why is it so important that I can solve math problems the other kids can’t do? Does this make me better than them?” Due to a lack of maturity, young children also may become bossy and impatient with peers who fail to perform at their ability level. Gifted children can start to believe that their intelligence is critical to their self-concept, and that performing poorly will disappoint those who love them. They may believe that their abilities are all that matter about them.

Most gifted children will not articulate their “aha” moment. Gifted adults sometimes recall their first awareness of being gifted. But young children have neither the words, nor the maturity to fully put it in perspective. Parents should be alert to signs that their child is comparing his or her abilities to those of others. Comments or questions regarding differences in skills, devaluing peers for being too “slow,” expressions of impatience and boredom, excessive boasting about accomplishments, and complaints about feeling misunderstood because of precocious interests all warrant discussion. what it means to be gifted, and that their abilities make them no more “special” than their friends. Rather than a confusing, ambivalent experience, a child's awareness of being gifted should be a positive awakening, and a threshold to endless possibilities. Parents are in an ideal position to provide the framework and guidance to help their child understand it. 

What were the defining moments when you realized you were gifted? 

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Why I Believe in Gifted Education in Public Schools

• It is a basic tenet of education that EVERY child has the right to experience growth ultimately leading to the attainment of their own full potential.
• Removing gifted education from the public realm promotes elitism … only the wealthy can afford private schools, tutors, enrichment.
• Failure to support and nurture our high flyers, our creative types, our innovators and yes, our dreamers … ultimately slows the progress of human development.
• All segments of society are educated in public schools – thus providing a reservoir of potential to be identified as gifted.
• Dismantling gifted education programs in public schools spurs the creation of alternative forms of education which drain the entire system of financial resources meant for the education of all children.
• Failure to understand the nature of giftedness and how a lack of challenge may cause the loss of individual potential will be reflected in a nation’s loss in research and development, economic viability, and competitiveness on the global stage.
• Public education offers the best opportunity (when available) of peer interaction for identified gifted children.
• Public schools overall are made better and stronger IF and WHEN they choose to provide gifted students an appropriate learning environment.
• And because … history will one day look back and question the shortsightedness of those who chose to ignore the needs of the gifted student.

Think about the choices you've made or had to make as the parent of a gifted child. I am guessing that many of you, in retrospect, would have made different choices had they been available to you or within reach. Advocating for strong gifted programs in our public schools for the sake of all children just makes good sense. 

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