Being gifted is not a choice

Being gifted is not a choice.

Yet another article has been published implying that parents can determine whether their child is gifted. In the author claims that "gifted children are as common as muck...hailing from the leafier suburbs," and goes on to pronounce, "I don't want a gifted child."

While the author later points out helping a child  successfully, and attribute success to effort rather than innate ability, his inflammatory headline and dramatic initial statements perpetuate misconceptions and stigma against gifted children.

You don't get a choice. You don't get to decide whether your child is gifted any more than you can choose eye color or athletic ability. Giftedness is a mixed bag of strengths, multipotentialities, and social/emotional challenges that are far from easy. You might decide not to "label" your child as gifted; however, your child's academic and emotional needs will not magically disappear.

Giftedness is rare. Only 5% of the population have an IQ at least two standard deviations above the norm. Hardly "common as muck." While some schools may label advanced tracking as "gifted programs" and there is still a tired debate from some who claim that , the reality is that only a small segment of the population fits this criteria.

Giftedness is everywhere. It is not limited to wealthy suburbs, as the author proclaims. Probably the most offensive aspect of the article is how it perpetuates the widespread myth that giftedness is a middle class construct. It implies that privileged families shepherd their children into gifted education programs, serving as a badge of accomplishment. Perhaps if gifted education and identification improved , this myth would eventually vanish.

While the article makes valid points regarding the importance of hard work and effort, and taking risks rather than relying on innate abilities, its false assumptions and initial generalizations are misleading and damaging. Yes, it is important to help your child learn from failure (although exist on how to implement this in the classroom). Yes, it is necessary to to your child. However, denying that giftedness exists, or making false, flippant and classist statements is pointless and harmful.

Make the "choice" to call gifted what it is. Don't muddy the waters any further. And help your child and others get the education they deserve.

5 Ways to Bolster Your Child's Emotional Intelligence



Talk about feelings.
Describe how sadness, happiness, anger, and other emotions feel in the body. Teach your child to recognize and name emotions as she feels them. You can do this beginning when she is very young by saying, “You look angry. Your face is red, and your body is tense.” As she grows older, talk to her about how to handle her emotions. Teach her ways to move through sadness, deal with disappointment, calm anger, maintain happiness, and so on. She will benefit from this lifelong.

Accept and validate all feelings.
As parents, we often only like to see positive emotions in our children. Anger tends to trigger our own anger. Sadness makes us worry, and so we want to wipe it away quickly. We may dismiss disappointment or anxiety in hopes that these feelings will just go away in our children. We want to see them happy all the time, but human beings aren't happy all the time, and it's important for your child to learn that all emotions are normal and okay to feel. He needs to know, of course, that all behavior isn't acceptable (for example, he can't throw things because he's mad), but it's perfectly okay to feel mad. Don't dismiss feelings that make you uncomfortable, but sit with your child through them. Often, they just need you to listen and show understanding.

Play games that build emotional intelligence.
We have a long list of many emotions that we act out in our homeschool day. Yes, emotional intelligence is part of our curriculum. Acting out emotions with your bodies or with puppets or toys is a great way to build emotional intelligence. Look through magazines or books and talk about what emotions are shown on people's faces or give your child blank faces and various eyes, noses, and mouths to create their own faces. There are even some really neat toys that build emotional intelligence, such as and

Unique Gifts for Little Ones - Holiday Gift Guide 6 from CreativeChild


If you're looking for unique, creative gifts for the little ones on your list, I have a wonderful gift guide for you full of great gift ideas. Check out a few of the items in this guide:

Hi, I’m

I provide kids and techies an expressive way to learn and play with robotics in a variety of social and interactive settings. I come to life when you create mazes, tracks and playgrounds on paper, game boards and digital screens. I also come with free downloadable apps and become your physical avatar for some truly one of a kind augmented reality games.

I teach you code language, robotic behavior and deductive reasoning while effortlessly playing on multi-dimensional environments. Expand your imagination and gain skills for life through my ability to play creative, strategic and competitive games with you.

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magnetic construction sets.

  1. Why Goobi?
    • An ideal and amusing activity which induces creativity and helps to develop sense of proportion.
    • Teaches simple and spontaneous ways to learn basics of geometry, physics, architecture and engineering.
    • Enhances eye-hand coordination and improves problem solving skills.
    • An entertaining activity that brings families together, revealing their undiscovered creativity.
    • Can also be very helpful for occupational therapists in the rehabilitation of people with motor skill challenges.
    • Can even appeal to professionals as a stress reducer. 

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 is an award-winning educational bath toy for toddlers. 

Children and parents love this innovative and educational play surface that suctions in the middle of the tub, giving kids a sturdy & safe place surface while keeping water and toys inside the tub!










And for even more great gift ideas, check out the gift guide from babyMaternity, which includes practical gifts like this




There is life after high school - even for gifted teens

What can gifted teens expect after high school? Finally relieved of tedious routines and underwhelming classes, gifted students are no longer faced with the . They may be able to reignite the love of learning that vanished during their school years.

For gifted teens, that is challenging and stimulating is critical. While not every gifted child must go to college, those who do will benefit most if they find one suited to their abilities.

I recently read a , nominated for U.S. defense secretary. I don't routinely scour reviews of every nominee, but was personally interested in this story because he was an alumni of my high school. Despite graduating from an overcrowded, suburban public school, he studied physics and medieval history at Yale, and then, as a Rhodes Scholar, pursued theoretical physics at Oxford.

As he writes in the article:
"High school in Philadelphia had left me hungry intellectually. I attended a large public school with thousands of students." He played sports, worked various odd jobs, and then, "rather unexpectedly was accepted into a good college, Yale..."
What might have happened if Carter had never gone to an exceptional college, one where he was finally challenged? With over one thousand students in each grade, his former high school did little to enrich its students' education, and it is likely that he languished in many of his classes, just like the rest of the students. Clearly, his talents and abilities opened the door for attendance at a highly respected university (although admissions is a  ordeal now than when he went to college).

What can teens and parents take away from this?

1. Yes, there is life after high school for gifted teens - one that is challenging, enriching, and intellectually creative.

2. Finding the best college fit is critical.

3. You can overcome a mediocre or even deficient high school education - if you apply yourself.

High school also can be difficult for gifted adolescents because of , as many gifted teens feel like outliers who don't quite fit in. Some "dumb themselves down" to be popular, but still may feel lost. College is a welcome opportunity to find like-minded peers where differences are accepted and appreciated.

Defense nominee Carter's example may be exceptional, but his trajectory from an unremarkable early education to an enriching experience in college is common for many gifted individuals. Discouraged high school students need to remind themselves that opportunities await them after graduation.

Preparing Children for a New Sibling



Welcoming a new baby into the family is an exciting time. It can also be a difficult transition for your older children. Here are some tips for making the transition to big brother or big sister easier.

During Pregnancy:
1. Read a lot of books to your child about babies, birth, and being an older sibling.

2. Encourage connection to the new baby by involving your older child in the naming process, in shopping for the new arrival, and in preparing the nursery or sleeping space for baby brother/sister.

3. Allow your older child to pick out a gift for her new sibling and wrap it. Let her know she'll get a new present from the baby, too!

4. Take your child along to hear the baby's heartbeat, and let him see ultrasound photos. Show him his own ultrasound photos, pictures of his birth and infancy, and talk about how you felt when you first held him in your arms.

5. Allow for plenty of bonding time with dad or grandma or whomever will be watching your child while you are giving birth. Prepare your child ahead of time for the separation so that she'll know what to expect.

6. Keep your routine as regular as possible in the weeks leading up to the new arrival. This is not the time to transition to big beds or for potty learning. This should be done very early in pregnancy or well after the child has had adequate time to adjust to the changes a baby brings. Too many changes at once will overwhelm her.

Once Baby is Home:

1. Involve your older child in the care of the baby as much as possible. Rather than making him wait on the sidelines while you care for baby, which is likely to foster feelings of resentment, enlist his help.

2. Be sure to tell your older child how much she is still valued. Be specific in your praise and encouragement. “You mean the world to me. I'm so glad the baby has you for a big sister! She'll learn all about being kind and helpful from her wonderful big sister.” 


3. Let your older child overhear you telling the baby what a special big brother he has and how you hope he grows up to be a lot like big brother. Anytime our children hear us bragging on them to others, it boosts self-esteem and creates feelings of belonging and acceptance. Also tell people in front of him what a wonderful big brother he's being. Save the negative comments, like “he's been so clingy since the baby came home” for when he's not in earshot.

4. Realize regression is normal and won't last forever. Some children may start to act more like a baby again. It's best to avoid criticizing this behavior and just provide love and acceptance. Once her emotions level out, she'll act like herself again.

...

Holiday Shopping Made Easy - Gift Guide #5 from CreativeChild


Another wonderful gift guide is here from CreativeChild, full of imaginative gifts for all the children on your list. Here are some highlights from issue #5.

– The Crazy 8's Reading Card Game
Ages 4 & up / 2-8 players / 10 minutes to play


Crazy A's (formerly called Whizizzle Phonics) is a fast-paced phonics game series that teaches the sounds of the English language. Designed by a dad and perfected by teachers, this series of phonics games keeps kids engaged in learning phonics basics while having fun.

Easier than memorization and more fun than flashcards, Crazy A's games help kids learn by using sight, sound and color. Level 1 teaches children the common "C-V-C" consonant-vowel-consonant words such as 'dog', 'cat', 'mom' and 'dad'.




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The Most Innovative, Creative, Puppet Maker in the World!

Folkmanis® believes imagination is the key to a healthy childhood, encouraging play and discovery to develop the skills necessary in life. The company has been making the most innovative and engaging specialty puppets in the world since 1976, delighting imaginations and winning nearly every industry, child development, and kid-tested award - many repeatedly.

A gift of a puppet encourages imaginative, open-ended play, endearing hugs, and snuggly companionship.

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Sand with peace of mind

Imagine children inspired by the simplicity of soft granular sand. Watch as they will dig, pile, sift, compact and more. These are all fundamental to the development of fine motor skills, intellect, visualization and social conduct.

#1 in education - allergy free, clean sand for indoor sandtables and sensory tables at preschools, child care centres, hospitals and therapeutic offices. Sandtastik® play sand can also be used for outdoor sandboxes, playgrounds and at home.

100% safe play sand - contains no quartz, no asbestos, no wheat and no nuts.

Features

  • 100% safe for kids
  • No free silica
  • Soft
  • Molds when wet
  • Sparkles
  • No dust
  • Ages 2+  (adult supervision)
  • AP Approved (ACMI); Non-toxic
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And for new and expecting parents, don't forget to check out babyMaternity's gift guide issue 5 as well, where you'll find great gift ideas such as these!











Teach Emotions Through Play and More in Holiday Gift Guide 4


I have been loving these holiday gift guides from ! They are stuffed with creative gift ideas you wouldn't normally find. Here are a few of my favorites from guide #4!

!


Emotional health lays the foundation for all other learning. Your kids express feelings while doing what they love best — Play!

Big, cushy, comforting Meebie has swappable parts and pieces. Kids express creativity and feelings.
Play with Meebie fosters social and emotional health, earning Meebie the respect of teachers, therapists, and parents alike.

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is another fun emotional education toy!


Increase your child's emotional vocabulary and build self-esteem through play. Kimochis are award-winning plush characters that make feelings fun!







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is a magnetic building set that inspires storytelling. Build the house any way you like and then decorate it with more than 40 magnetic accessories.







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 is the fastest, best way to creatively build roads and rails for playing with toy cars and trains. PlayTape sticks to any flat surface, is easy-tear, repositionable, easily removed with no residue, easily stored undefineded, disposable, and recyclable.

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There's also a guide for expecting and new parents! 







Ten essential tips to help your gifted teen plan for college

Gifted teens typically receive little help with college planning from their schools. Efforts to improve gifted education tend to focus on what happens in class. And just as their learning needs are frequently ignored in the classroom (they'll do just fine; they’ll learn on their own!), it is often assumed that with their smarts, they will easily get admitted to the college of their choice.

Wrong!

With all of the competition, uncertainty and financial risk involved, gifted children need as much advice and support as any other child. And sometimes the stakes are even higher, given the potential for merit scholarships, and the importance of finding a college community of like-minded peers. But without sound advice, many miss out on opportunities that could give them an advantage.

The following are essential tips to keep in mind when planning for college:

1. Start early

Many gifted students and their parents don’t delve into the maze of college planning until junior year, a point when valuable time has already passed. Most high schools are busy helping students with class schedules and immediate goals, so strategic college planning gets delayed. What results is a vacuum of information, where parents are blindsided by their lack of knowledge, and students remain unaware of tools that could open doors for them later. It is critical to start early (even in ninth grade), learn about options, and develop a long-term strategy, 

2. Plan ahead for the PSAT's

The , taken during junior year of high school, presumably as a prep for the SAT's, are frequently treated as an afterthought amid the extensive mandated testing students routinely endure. Parents are rarely informed of their significance, since they don't impact quotas, federal aid, or state regulations. Yet these exams are critical for gifted children.  When students secure a high enough score, they become , and can qualify to become  as long as they maintain good grades and meet a few additional criteria. With NMF status, not only are students eligible for additional financial scholarships, many colleges offer completely free tuition including room and board to entice them to attend. 

Achieving NMF status opens up an array of opportunities, particularly for financially strapped families. Without realizing their value, though, students often view them as one in a series of meaningless standardized tests, and exert little effort. And few study or prepare in advance. Many gifted children, who eventually achieve high SAT scores, would have scored just as high on the PSAT's if they had studied or taken them seriously.  Schools commit an enormous disservice to their high ability students by failing to inform them of this opportunity, one that could have a profound financial impact on their future. 

3. Don't forget the SAT Subject tests

These tests evaluate mastery in specific areas of knowledge. At least two are required by many elite colleges, but many students are unaware of this requirement until junior year. Unfortunately, waiting until junior year leaves few choices, since most students have no other option than to take subject tests based on junior year classes. This might not showcase their abilities, however, if their strengths lie with subjects taken in 9th or 10th grade. Ideally, they should take the subject tests immediately after completing those courses, before the material is forgotten.

Students need to see what SAT subject tests are available at the start of high school and decide which tests would best reflect their strengths. There are not a lot of choices available, and some of the tests may not even correspond with what is learned in school. For example, students who take AP Physics Mechanics may discover that they are not prepared to take the SAT Physics subject test because Mechanics is only one of three distinct areas of physics covered on the test. Most overworked guidance counselors rarely inform ninth grade students and their families about subject tests. Yet to take and when to take it is critical. 

4. You can take the SATs and the ACTs

These two tests each may offer a better fit for different students depending on their test-taking style. Most students benefit from trying both the and and seeing which one results in a more favorable score. Also, scores can be strategically selected for submission to different schools. For example, some colleges allow students to submit the ACT with its writing supplement instead of the SAT subject tests. So if a student receives high scores on the SAT, but not on the SAT subject tests, he or she might choose to submit a slightly weaker ACT (with writing score) rather than the stronger SAT scores combined with weak SAT subject test scores. 

5. Practice guides really do help

Many gifted teens, accustomed to easily acing tests in school, assume the SAT's or ACT's require little preparation. However, they place themselves at a disadvantage if they don't prepare. Learning how to take these tests (e.g., how to pace yourself and approach reading passages), understanding how the scoring works (e.g., when to guess or leave a question blank), and practicing completing the exam under time constraints can make a dramatic difference.

6. SAT coaching and classes help some students.

While using study guides and preparation for the SAT's or ACT's is essential, some students also benefit from individualized SAT coaching or classes. At the very least, this provides structure, support, and targeted information. If there is a choice, gifted teens might benefit more from individualized coaching, since classes tend to be geared toward average ability students, where gifted children, once again, might be bored.

7. Take advanced classes.

Many gifted children thrive in high school, when they finally have access to more challenging classes. AP, IB, and honors classes not only provide an opportunity for intensive focus, but also permit interactions with like-minded peers who are equally engaged in learning. Colleges like to see that students challenge themselves by taking the most rigorous classes available. They are not particularly impressed by all A's from less demanding classes, when AP or honors courses are available. An overload of rigorous classes is not necessary; just a demonstration that students are willing to work hard. AP tests tend to be quite demanding, and are also good practice for those taking the SAT subject tests. And most colleges offer either full course credit or at least an option to place out of introductory courses, if students receive a score of 4 or 5 on their AP tests.

6. Dual enrollment.

Many schools provide an opportunity for students to attend classes at a local college. This not only boosts their resume, but more importantly, provides an opportunity to see what a college class is like. Many will feel more challenged by this; others may find that the classes are surprisingly less demanding than they expected, motivating them even more to pursue admission to a college that will truly challenge them. Online courses also may be available. 

7. Internships.

Gifted students can benefit from internships, mentoring, or opportunities where they shadow other professionals. This offers a great learning experience, teaches them about a real world work environment, and demonstrates to colleges that the student is interested in learning outside of the classroom. Internships may be found through the school, but sometimes students or parents may need to search on their own. Some families assume they must send their children on volunteer opportunities overseas for colleges to take notice. While this may be a great experience, don't expect that colleges will be overly impressed by this expensive venture. Most admissions officers are aware that students with fewer financial resources can just as easily volunteer at a local food bank or animal shelter.

8. Find your passion

Though it sounds cliche, gifted teens flourish when they find their passion, and engage their energy in what interests them most. College admissions officers are unimpressed when students pad their resume with a sudden burst of volunteer or school activities during their junior year. Students don't benefit from spreading themselves too thin. Colleges recognize when there is a meaningful pursuit of an activity, and when it is window dressing. More importantly, teens need an outlet for what they love, regardless of what looks good on a resume.

9. Don't bet on scholarships 

Unless a student is a National Merit Finalist, receiving a significant merit scholarship (one that makes a dent in the cost of tuition) is rare. Sometimes a scholarship may arrive from a college that is undesirable in terms of location, size or . Other options include honors programs at state universities, and the very generous need-based financial aid available at some elite colleges. Note the difference between need-blind and need-aware colleges, as need-aware schools take into consideration whether the student is seeking financial aid in their admissions decisions.

10. Set realistic expectations

With elite college at record lows (Harvard's rate was 6%, for example), it is clear that many students apply to some schools with little chance of admission. Sometimes this is due to high hopes and false assumptions; often it results from a lack of information about the highly competitive nature of admissions. Even valedictorians with 2300+ SAT's are routinely rejected from the most elite schools. Most colleges list a 25-75% range for GPA and SAT scores for accepted students. Unless your child has what is referred to as a "hook" (e.g., recruited athlete, underserved minority, geographically desirable, legacy status), assume that your child's stats need to correspond with the 75% and above range. Check Naviance, if your high school has it, as this will give you some idea of acceptance percentages. Colleges are in the business of risk-management. It is a risk to accept your child. They want to accept students who will matriculate, graduate, and go on to do great things. Colleges that describe "holistic" admissions strive to "build a diverse class of students" from a range of backgrounds, locations, and interests, and your child may not fit their vision.

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Keep these tips in mind, get educated, read books, search the internet, and get support from other parents who have been down this road. Seek help from your child's school, but remember that guidance counselors may be overworked, have a limited perspective, and will never know your child like you do. Gather as much information as possible as you navigate this interesting, challenging journey. Best wishes.

You also might be interested in other Gifted Challenges blog posts related to college planning:



10 Ways to Connect With Your Child



Being deeply connected to our children is the key to emotional health, cooperation, influence, and peaceful homes, but staying connected in the hustle and bustle of daily life can be challenging. We have to be intentional about our relationships with them now if want these relationships to flourish for years to come. Here are 10 ways to connect with your child. These require time and commitment, but the payoff is greater than anything else you will ever achieve.

1. Let go of distractions. I'm not coming with an anti-technology message, and no one expects you to let the emails go unanswered or the laundry undone, but we simply have to carve out time each and every day to attune to our children. It doesn't have to be a lot of time every day. You may be able to squeeze in only 10 minutes today, but maybe you can do an hour later in the week. The key is to really focus all of your attention on them for this set-aside time.

2. Know what makes them feel loved and give it daily. Some children need more affection, others need to hear affirming words. I highly recommend to help you understand what your child's love language is and how to practice all love languages. However, if your child is old enough, simply ask what makes him or her feel loved the most. On the flip side of this coin, be sure to avoid things that go against their language. For example, if your child's love language is words of affirmation, be especially careful with criticizing that child. Of course, you don't have to have a book to make your child feel loved. Just be sure to tell them what you love about them, encourage and build them up, and be affectionate.

3. Show sincere interest in their interests. Minecraft or One Direction might not thrill you, but you also might be surprised at what you find you enjoy when you take the time to go into your child's world.

4. Be a parent you can talk to. This means being able to listen without doling out immediate judgment. We have a tendency to want to offer our two cents before our kids even finish a sentence. Often we discount their feelings with words like Oh, it's not that big of a deal or we offer advice when really all they need is to feel heard.

5. Use positive discipline. Drop the authoritarian act in favor of being a leader and a teacher. Punishments like spanking and time out cause disconnection and don't teach the child how to improve, whereas teaching problem-solving skills and using fair and logical consequences with a healthy dose of empathy will keep the connection intact and give your child skills for better self-control.

How to Create a Peaceful Home



I truly believe that peace on earth starts at home, and that's why my website and my books have one focus, to promote peace in families. Peace must begin inward ; we must first find peace in ourselves. We can then extend that peace to our partners and children, onward to other family members and our communities, and peace will then have a ripple effect out into society.
There is much we can do to cultivate peace. For the sake of brevity, I will outline what I have found to be most fruitful in my own journey to peace.

Creating Peace Within Yourself:

Know your story. Understand your past and how it has shaped you. Decide if you were shaped in a way that you do not want to be today and do the inner work needed to bring about healing and positive change. (There are many books on this topic to choose from.)

Identify your triggers. What makes you feel angry, depleted, or anxious? Write down patterns and address ways to avoid these triggers or change your reactions to them. Good questions to ask yourself are 1) where did this trigger come from, 2) what does this tell me about myself or how I'm living my life, and 3) what can I do to deactivate this trigger and find peace?

Nurture your spirit. Seek spiritual peace with daily practice of prayer and meditation. Benefits are not only spiritual, but psychological and physiological as well.

Creating Peace Within Your Environment:

I believe home should be a haven ; a place where everyone walks in and says, "Ahhh!" Here are a few simple steps to make your home feel more peaceful.

1. Clutter is an energy drain. Pare down and organize.

2. Decorate. Cheerful, inspiring decor does wonders. I recently redecorated my living room, adding pops of cheerful turquoise and a few calming decorations, and it's now my favorite space in the house. When my mood needs to shift, I go there.