You watched as your gifted child struggled with boredom, apathy and underachievement. And at some breaking point, you decided to do something. You planned to speak with the teacher, challenge the administration, maybe even go to a school board meeting and complain. But then...you backed down. Nothing happened. The moment passed.
What stopped you? What held you back? What were the thoughts, worries, and fears - some realistic, some imagined - that got in the way?
Here are some reasons parents hesitate and fail to advocate for their gifted children:
“I don’t have the credentials”
Unless you have worked in education or childcare, you may not feel qualified or entitled to approach the teacher or school. Challenging authority may be difficult and if you assume that they are the experts, it may be hard to build your case. You can feel stymied if you believe that training as a teacher or school administrator trumps your perception of your child. Recognize that you are a vital part of this team of professionals whose job is to educate your child. The information and perspective you offer is invaluable.
Unless you have worked in education or childcare, you may not feel qualified or entitled to approach the teacher or school. Challenging authority may be difficult and if you assume that they are the experts, it may be hard to build your case. You can feel stymied if you believe that training as a teacher or school administrator trumps your perception of your child. Recognize that you are a vital part of this team of professionals whose job is to educate your child. The information and perspective you offer is invaluable.
“I don’t know enough”
Uncertainty, lack of information, and doubt can weaken your argument. Gather as much information as possible from your child, the teacher, school psychologist, other specialists, and anyone else who observes your child or the classroom. Read and learn as much as you can about gifted children and gifted education. Know the regulations in your state and community. Stay informed so that you can feel empowered, remain knowledgeable, and counter any inaccuracies.
Uncertainty, lack of information, and doubt can weaken your argument. Gather as much information as possible from your child, the teacher, school psychologist, other specialists, and anyone else who observes your child or the classroom. Read and learn as much as you can about gifted children and gifted education. Know the regulations in your state and community. Stay informed so that you can feel empowered, remain knowledgeable, and counter any inaccuracies.
“I hate conflict”
Maybe confronting authority is difficult for you. Perhaps you hate conflict. And you don’t want to be disliked. , confronting the principal, meeting with the school board all present the potential for conflict. You don’t want to be perceived as one of those parents; pushy and overinvolved, who thinks the world revolves around their child. Keep in mind, though, that you are fighting for basic, fair, and appropriate educational services that your child deserves. You didn’t ask for this battle. (You probably would rather be doing something else.) The school’s lack of resources prompted this fight and you are doing what any parent would - protecting the welfare of your child.
Maybe confronting authority is difficult for you. Perhaps you hate conflict. And you don’t want to be disliked. , confronting the principal, meeting with the school board all present the potential for conflict. You don’t want to be perceived as one of those parents; pushy and overinvolved, who thinks the world revolves around their child. Keep in mind, though, that you are fighting for basic, fair, and appropriate educational services that your child deserves. You didn’t ask for this battle. (You probably would rather be doing something else.) The school’s lack of resources prompted this fight and you are doing what any parent would - protecting the welfare of your child.
“I don’t want any backlash”
Valid point. Backlash unfortunately occurs when teachers, students or even other parents feel threatened. Although sometimes overt, such as when a child is teased by peers, it is often more subtle. A teacher may “not have time” to follow through on differentiated instruction, offer “extra” homework rather than interesting alternatives to the regular curriculum, or hold your child to a higher standard in terms of social/emotional behavior. And other parents may stop inviting your child to parties or make disparaging comments. It is understandable that you might hesitate in the face of this concern. Yet, if you don't advocate, nothing will change.
Valid point. Backlash unfortunately occurs when teachers, students or even other parents feel threatened. Although sometimes overt, such as when a child is teased by peers, it is often more subtle. A teacher may “not have time” to follow through on differentiated instruction, offer “extra” homework rather than interesting alternatives to the regular curriculum, or hold your child to a higher standard in terms of social/emotional behavior. And other parents may stop inviting your child to parties or make disparaging comments. It is understandable that you might hesitate in the face of this concern. Yet, if you don't advocate, nothing will change.
“Maybe the problem will go away”
Sometimes it seems easier to hope the problem will disappear. It might be simpler to assume that life will improve for your gifted child next year with a new teacher. Or that your child will outgrow his or her unhappiness or boredom. Sometimes you might just wish he or she were “normal” and would just calm down and like all of the other kids. You don’t want to make waves at school. You don’t want to create a scene. After all, your child is smart; hopefully the problems will work themselves out. Well, sometimes this is true. But other times, boredom, underachievement, isolation from peers, apathy and a poor attitude toward learning only increase. The sooner these problems are addressed, the more likely your child will start to thrive at school.
So, how do you start?
1. Start with the teacher. Find out as much as possible about the teacher's perspective. If your child has been tested, gather information from the school psychologist, and/or other specialists. If your child would , insist on it.
2. Get informed. Learn as much as possible from sites such as and . The NAGC is a must-read with excellent advice.
3. Pursue additional channels. If you hit a roadblock with , you may need to speak with the principal, gifted supervisor, director of curriculum, or other administrators. Sometimes parents even need to meet with school board members to initiate changes.
4. Form a gifted children's advocacy group with other parents. There is strength in numbers, and each parent can provide a wealth of ideas that may propel the group to implement changes in the schools.
5. Consider broader advocacy for gifted children. In addition to advocating for your child, consider lending a hand so that all gifted children can benefit. This may be as simple as about giftedness in casual conversation, or as involved as advocacy on a state or national level.
Recent articles in the , and are examples of writing highlighting widespread neglect of gifted children's educational needs. Yet, these articles reiterate what parents of gifted children already know and live with every day. Who is ultimately more knowledgeable about the struggles gifted children face than the parents who raise them? Who better, then, to advocate for them? Recognize why you're hesitating, what's holding you back, and determine how you can better assist your child and others.
What's holding you back?
Sometimes it seems easier to hope the problem will disappear. It might be simpler to assume that life will improve for your gifted child next year with a new teacher. Or that your child will outgrow his or her unhappiness or boredom. Sometimes you might just wish he or she were “normal” and would just calm down and like all of the other kids. You don’t want to make waves at school. You don’t want to create a scene. After all, your child is smart; hopefully the problems will work themselves out. Well, sometimes this is true. But other times, boredom, underachievement, isolation from peers, apathy and a poor attitude toward learning only increase. The sooner these problems are addressed, the more likely your child will start to thrive at school.
So, how do you start?
1. Start with the teacher. Find out as much as possible about the teacher's perspective. If your child has been tested, gather information from the school psychologist, and/or other specialists. If your child would , insist on it.
2. Get informed. Learn as much as possible from sites such as and . The NAGC is a must-read with excellent advice.
3. Pursue additional channels. If you hit a roadblock with , you may need to speak with the principal, gifted supervisor, director of curriculum, or other administrators. Sometimes parents even need to meet with school board members to initiate changes.
4. Form a gifted children's advocacy group with other parents. There is strength in numbers, and each parent can provide a wealth of ideas that may propel the group to implement changes in the schools.
5. Consider broader advocacy for gifted children. In addition to advocating for your child, consider lending a hand so that all gifted children can benefit. This may be as simple as about giftedness in casual conversation, or as involved as advocacy on a state or national level.
Recent articles in the , and are examples of writing highlighting widespread neglect of gifted children's educational needs. Yet, these articles reiterate what parents of gifted children already know and live with every day. Who is ultimately more knowledgeable about the struggles gifted children face than the parents who raise them? Who better, then, to advocate for them? Recognize why you're hesitating, what's holding you back, and determine how you can better assist your child and others.
What's holding you back?