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Gifted adults and relationships: Ten sources of conflict

Why do gifted people struggle in relationships? After all, they can reason their way out of just about anything, have whip-sharp minds, and can look at a problem from almost any angle. What gives?

Gifted adults often endured a childhood marked by social challenges. Some exhibited or delayed social development, while others felt "different" or just never found their niche. Worse still, some may have been or teased, and missed out on many of the typical rites of passage children and teens experience.

In addition, gifted and intellectual strengths don't just disappear during adulthood. Gifted adults still think outside of the box, grasp information at a faster pace, and hunger for intellectual stimulation. They also may have retained some of the social quirks and defenses that developed during childhood and adolescence. All of this can lead to patterns that create problems in adult relationships.

Here are some behaviors and feelings that may put a strain on relationships:

1. Boredom

Gifted people have little tolerance for boredom in a relationship. This does not mean they will become bored with their partner, but it may be harder for them to find someone who is both an appealing romantic interest and intellectually stimulating. Some gifted adults have a limited number of friends as a result, or have had fewer romantic relationships because of their selectivity. They just cannot tolerate the prospect of being bored.

2. Impatience

Their capacity for quickly grasping information can lead to impatience and frustration with a partner or spouse who is not as capable. Angry, critical or sarcastic comments, a tendency to take charge, or even a pattern of overlooking a partner's contributions can take a toll on any relationship. Sometimes gifted people might even seem when they become frustrated with others' more pedestrian pace.

3. Pressure to succeed

The drive to achieve can make life more complicated. It can fuel an extreme, unrelenting focus on the task at hand, or harsh self-criticism when high and sometimes perfectionistic standards are not met. Individuals living under this pressure may neglect their families and friends, value work over social/family relationships, and may be subject to mood swings and irritability.

4. Always needing to be right

Since gifted people usually excel at what they do, some may assume that they always know the correct answer, at least in those areas where they have expertise. A pattern may develop where they must be right in any debate. With their exceptional verbal skills, they can defend their point and relentlessly pursue an argument until they win, or until their opponent (i.e., their partner or spouse) gives up out of frustration.

5. Sense of isolation

Just as in childhood, some gifted adults feel relatively isolated. They view themselves as outliers with few true peers. Sometimes depressed, and often feeling misunderstood, they assume that they have little in common with the general population, and spend a substantial amount of time alone. If they are in a marriage or relationship, they may avoid communicating their feelings because they assume they would not be understood.

6. Feeling awkward and insecure

Some gifted adults retain a self-concept from childhood, and feel like they are in all over again. Their discomfort in social situations can lead to isolation and an avoidance of activities they might actually enjoy. Some may try to mask their fears or offer excuses (I have to work tonight again), but ultimately, their insecurities may limit their ability to find, form and sustain friendships and relationships.

7. A need for alone time

Many gifted individuals are introverted and gain sustenance from time alone. Time to think may be restorative and fuel their creativity and inspiration. But partners may feel left out when their gifted partner retreats, and friends may become frustrated when social invitations are declined.

8. Indulgence in unusual or multiple interests

Since they grasp information with such complexity and depth, and frequently boast multipotentialities, many gifted individuals plunge into varied and sometimes offbeat interests with a startling passion and intensity. When they come up for air, they may notice a frustrated and angry partner, who feels sidelined and ignored.

9. Oversensitivities

Many gifted adults also retain the heightened sensitivities and overexcitabilities that emerged in childhood. Spouses or partners who are less sensitive or reactive may become annoyed when their gifted partner is overwhelmed by too much sensory stimulation, becomes highly emotional, or needs to withdraw to regroup.

10. Existential depression

Gifted individuals may endure periods of existential depression as they grapple with what is meaningful and try to make sense of the world. They may experience feelings of alienation, disillusionment and emptiness, resulting in a sense of despair. As notes: "The gifted become depressed particularly because their high intellect allows them to contemplate the cosmos and their very small place within it." Existential depression takes it toll on partners of gifted adults as well, as they may feel helpless in their attempts to offer support. (Note: please seek counseling from a licensed mental health professional when depression arises.)

Clearly, anyone can exhibit the above-mentioned behaviors. Gifted adults are not the only ones who can be impatient, bored, or question the meaning of life. But giftedness may predispose them to these patterns and increase the likelihood that they will unfold in adult relationships.

When both partners are gifted

While these behaviors can present challenges in any relationship, the situation becomes even more complex when both partners are gifted. And this type of union is likely to occur, since most people are drawn to friends and romantic partners whose IQ falls within a similar range. So both parties bring their emotional reactivity, sensitivity, impatience, and any one of the above possible traits into the relationship. This may call for even greater self-awareness, communications skills, and empathy for each other's needs.

In a future post, I will discuss . But until then, several books listed below are recommended:

Bernstein, J. & Magee, S. (2003). Why can't you read my mind? Boston: Da Capo Press.
Gottman, J. (1999). The seven principles for making marriage work. New York: Crown Publishers.
Johnson, S. (2008). Hold me tight. New York: Little, Brown and Co.

This blog is part of the Hoagies Gifted Education Page Blog Hop on Relationships. To read more blogs in the hop, click on the following link:
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The Message Behind "Be Good" and What to Say Instead

I hear parents all the time pleading with and warning their children to “be good.” This common phrase has escaped my lips a few times, too. There are a couple of reasons why I’ve decided to drop this phrase for good.

“Be Good” is Too Vague
Children aren’t mind readers. It’s much more helpful to give them specific instructions than to assume they know exactly what we mean by “be good.” It’s a very abstract concept for children, even if we think they should know what behavior we expect.

Instead of saying “be good,” try:
“When you’re at grandma’s, I want you to pick up your toys when you’re finished playing and listen when she asks you to do something.”

“At the store, you may help me push the cart or walk beside it. You may not run in the aisles or ask for a toy today.”

“In the movie theater, be quiet while the movie is playing and don’t put your feet on the seats.”

“Be good…because usually you’re not.”
I wonder if this isn’t the underlying message that children pick up on when this phrase is overused. I always try to put myself in my child’s shoes. I think hearing “be good” all the time would make me feel like perhaps my parent doesn’t think I’m a good person. If I was, I wouldn’t need the constant reminder, right?

What if my husband told me to “be good today” before he left for work? How would that make me feel? What is the message I would get from it?

I believe one of the most important things we can do for our children is to believe in them, and show our faith in their goodness, abilities, and positive intentions. Here is a huge lesson I’ve learned - When children feel good, they will be good, and knowing that we believe the best of them is one way to build their self-esteem and help them feel good.

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Does Time-In Reward Children?

Time-out didn’t work in my home. I followed the “rules”. I placed my son in time-out for one minute per each year of his age. I did not engage with him other than to replace him back in time-out during his punishment. Once he had served his time, I asked him what he had done wrong that got him placed in time-out, and once he repeated it back to me, we moved on with our day – until the next time-out which was never too far away.

If it ever did stop one poor behavior, another cropped up right in its place. His behavior got worse, his spirit grew dim, and the disconnection between us was widening. That is why I began to seek out alternatives. After my paradigm shift to positive parenting, I found time-in to be an effective tool to both connect with my child and redirect his behavior.

The paradigm shift was an important step to allowing me to see my child through a new lens. When I practiced traditional parenting, I saw every “misbehavior” as an infraction that needed to be addressed and squashed immediately, lest he get “out of hand.” I bought into the idea that children were seeking control and would take over the house and try to rule over me if I didn’t maintain strict authority. Indeed, that was a very sad way to view my child.

Through study of child development and even more so through stopping to look into my son’s eyes when he was upset, I came to adopt a much different view of my child, of all children. I see “out of sync behavior” as a call for help, a clue that the internal state of a child is off balance and needs addressed. I saw that he was a good person and wanted to do good things. He wanted to please us and be connected. He wanted to know he was valued and where he fit in. Once I saw my child differently, it was easy to relate with him differently.

This difference in the positive parenting view of children from the traditional view became clear to me when a comment was made on my previous article, . This person believed that the practice of time-in would cause the child to misbehave to get the “reward” of parental attention. It’s true that children do crave attention and connection, and I suppose if the only way a child can get it is through poor behavior, she will resort to that. But how is this the child’s fault?

If attention and love is only given during a time-in, there is something fundamentally wrong in the relationship dynamic in the first place. Children should be given lots of positive attention and affection every day, and if we are doing that, there will never be a need to “misbehave to get attention.”

Furthermore, if we are already close and connected with that child, then the time-in allows them to focus on our instructions rather than being defensive against us. Bringing a child into safe and loving arms to help him calm down and learn to manage himself through emotional storms is not coddling or rewarding, it’s teaching. Isn’t that what parenting is?

I think, culturally, we need to move past the idea that too much love rewards or spoils children. This idea damages our relationships and leads us to treat unfairly those who are newest among us. Children do not enter the world with bad intentions. They do not come to wear us out, test our limits, or seek control. They come with a need for love and guidance.

In 5 years of practicing positive parenting, I have never found that love drives misbehavior, but that the opposite true. Love allows them to grow into their full potential.

5 Habits That Make Parenthood Easier

Raising children is no easy task. The habits we form now have a great impact on how our future days will go. Below are five habits that I've intentionally cultivated which I believe have made parenthood easier and more joyful.

Create a daily rhythm.

While it isn't necessary, or even helpful, to be so rigid as to have every detail of the day planned out, it is very helpful to create a daily rhythm, or a flow to the day that children can generally count on. This daily rhythm creates a stable foundation, and knowing what comes next makes children feel secure and helps them transition more easily.

In addition, once the habit is well-formed, the rhythm becomes “the boss” in many ways. Children understand that after dinner it is time to bath, for example, and there is less push-back. A daily rhythm isn't only soothing for children but has been shown to also help parents feel more competent and confident.

Stick to the routine.

Within the daily rhythm, routines make parenting easier. It isn't just knowing what to expect; it's also about connection points throughout the day. Sweet bedtime rituals and mealtime conversations serve to bring us back to each other in the midst of a busy life. Being connected and knowing what to expect are two important aspects that bring peace to our homes, and intentional, loving routines accomplish both.

Meet as a family every week.

If you aren't already doing a weekly family meeting, I highly recommend beginning this tradition. Family meetings serve many purposes. They really help the family to function more smoothly as a unit. During family meetings, it's beneficial to talk about what went well that week, what didn't, what needs to be addressed, and plans for the upcoming week. When everyone gets to voice their opinions and ideas, the family bond is strengthened.

When families work on problems together, children learn how to work with others in a team, troubleshoot, and problem-solve. I also like using family meetings as a time to share fond memories from the past week and to share our appreciations and gratitude of each other. When everyone in the family feels heard, understood, and appreciated, you can bet that parenthood will be a little easier.

Be clear and consistent.

Many parenting problems arise because we either aren't clear about the boundaries or we aren't consistent with enforcing those boundaries. Think of a “road closed” sign. It will stop you from going down that road, but unless there's a detour arrow, you're likely left stuck without knowing where to go next. Telling children what to stop doing is only half of discipline, and ending it there leaves things unclear. It's like putting up the “road closed” sign without detour arrow.

If we don't show them where to go from there, it's not likely they'll go in the direction we want them to go. They may, instead, find their own new path to the destination they're trying to get to, which is almost always getting a need met. Alternatively, they may crash through the sign and keep on going if the boundary isn't firm and held consistently. If we are both consistent in saying “you may not go that way” and clear in saying “here's the better way to go,” parenthood gets easier because it isn't an all-day marathon of power struggles.

Lean on your village.

We aren't meant to do this thing alone, and yet I've heard many parents say how lonely they feel every day.

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Tune in to your gifted child's needs

Anyone who has raised children from birth knows how unique each little being is right out of the gate. They emerge with their own personality, needs, quirks, and impulses. We can help nurture and shape them, but ultimately, they are who they are. We stumble along as parents and make the best choices we can, but our wishes, fears, and personal history affect how we raise them.

And most of us question whether we are making the right decisions.

Our culture and the latest trends in parenting also affect our choices.While debates about helicopter parents, tiger moms and free-ranging kids fill magazine and social media pages, most of these articles descend into all-or-nothing arguments about right or wrong, good or bad. From sound bites to dire warnings, recipes for supposedly perfect parenting strategies are just a mouse click away.

But most of these child-raising formulas and dictates overlook that central task of parenting: tuning in to your child's specific needs. Sorting out who your child really is, what inspires him, what motivates her. Recognizing your child's true talents and realistic limitations, and knowing when to encourage and when to sit back and wait. Separating your personal needs and wishes from what is best for your child.

As parents, you regularly face the following tasks:

Sorting through the wealth of child-raising messages and theories
Identifying which methods are best suited to your child's temperament and behavior
Recognizing if your decisions are based on your child's needs or your own desires and anxiety
Determining when to offer appropriate and necessary parental support/encouragement/involvement and when to allow them to struggle on their own

Parents of gifted children face unique challenges, since there are few roadmaps to guide them. Young gifted children often present exasperating intensities and overexcitabilities that can be draining for many parents. Highly sensitive, reactive to sensory stimulation, and intensely curious, they can stress even the most patient families. Parents may notice their exceptional abilities, but these children often are not identified as gifted until they are much older. And even if an astute preschool teacher or pediatrician recognizes their abilities, there are few guidelines to help parents manage their needs.

So what can you do?

1. Notice what truly inspires your child. What does he gravitate toward? What interests and energizes her? Allow your child to delve into his interests as much as possible. Gifted children may become highly focused on certain interests and explore them with exceptional depth and complexity. Tap in to this and encourage their natural level of exploration.

2. Introduce new activities to see what sparks joy and creativity. Your child will let you know if you are on the right track. But avoid forcing continued participation in activities that are meaningless, boring, pointlessly difficult or create excessive anxiety. Unless it is a required class subject or a necessary skill she must learn, there is no reason to demand participation in unnecessary activities that only breed resentment and distress.

3. Show interest in what interests your child. Ask open-ended questions and offer comments, such as:

Tell me more about that.
How did you come up with that idea?
Tell me about the character in the story you wrote
What is happening in that picture?
What do you think about what happened in the book?
What did you like about your lesson/practice/class today?

4. Let you child know that you understand. Not necessarily that you agree with her viewpoint, but understand how she feels. Don't interpret, overexplain, or tell him why he should or should not have certain feelings; just let him know that you get it. It can help younger children when you connect words to their feelings (e.g., "You must have felt sad when Billy wouldn't play with you"). Older children benefit from less elaborate comments ("Well, that's a drag!"), but sometimes need more detailed conversation ("I went through something like that too, and I felt really awful, but eventually I got past it"). And understanding also applies to positive feelings. A knowing glance, a loving gaze, a shared joke all communicate that you deeply understand your child.

5. Notice when anxiety and insecurity interfere. Look for the , and recognize when to encourage your child to try harder/stick with it/tough it out, or when to allow him to pull back. Help him understand that fears and worries are normal, that there are for overcoming them, and that you will help him through it. If insecurity depletes your child's motivation, you will have to decide whether to challenge her lack of drive, or allow her to find her own path. Counseling is sometimes necessary when anxiety and low self-esteem become entrenched patterns.

6. Recognize your own wishes, desires and fears, and notice when they conflict with what is best for your child. Avoid channeling your child in a particular direction just because it fulfills your dreams or expectations. Regardless of how many baseball practices or violin lessons you schedule, if your child lacks the interest, it may be time to let it go. Even if your gifted child demonstrates tremendous potential in a particular field of study, he may ultimately choose an unrelated career path. While you may need time to grieve over this disappointment, your sadness is best shared with your partner and trusted friends or family, rather than burdening your child with it.

7. Most of all, have fun with your child. Engage in activities that are fun for both of you, will enhance your closeness, and will remind your child that you adore being with her. What is fun for a three-year-old is obviously different for a child of 12 or 17, but remaining attuned to what your child enjoys will be rewarding for both of you.

Years ago, Winnicott coined the term "good enough parent." Perhaps we can all strive to be the "best" good-enough parent by keeping our own anxiety and aspirations in check and paying attention to our child's true nature.

References:

Winnicott, D. (1953). Transitional objects and transitional phenomena: A study of the first no-me possession. International Journal of Psychoanalysis, 34, 89-97.

How to Help the Impulsive Disorganized Child

Perhaps you've never thought of gifted children as impulsive or disorganized, but many gifted kids and those who are twice-exceptional, gifted with learning differences, often struggle with impulsivity and being disorganized. Dealing with executive functioning (EF) deficits can take its toll on family harmony. It is something you yourself may have dealt with early in life, but learned to compensate for by developing strategies without even realizing it.

When a child has difficulty with organizational issues, it can be devastating in school as well. In my experience, most school personnel were not prepared to deal with these deficits beyond suggesting the use of colored folders and showed little empathy for the situation with which we were dealing. Instead, words like ‘lazy’ and ‘lacks effort’ or ‘doesn’t care’ were bantered about as if to place blame squarely on our child.

As parents, it is essential to have coping strategies in your ‘toolbox’. Recently, I * the book, The Impulsive, Disorganized Child: Solutions for Parenting Kids with Executive Functioning Difficulties, for on and was quite impressed with the strategies presented in it.

It’s important for parents to understand what executive functioning (EF) is and how they can help their child to overcome deficits and become successful, independent adults. Here now is an interview I did with the authors, Dr. James Forgan and Mary Anne Richey.

Dr. James Forgan

Mary Anne Richey

GPS: What compelled you to write The Impulsive, Disorganized Child?

JF/MAR: We’ve both raised boys with EF difficulty and have applied many strategies in our daily lives we were very familiar with the challenges families face when raising a child with EF difficulty. In our private practices we work daily helping our clients with EF difficulty by providing coaching and assessment of executive functioning.

GPS: What is Executive Functioning (EF), what causes Executive Dysfunction, and how are EF difficulties evaluated?

JF/MAR: Generally speaking, executive functioning is an umbrella term for many different activities of the brain that orchestrate goal-directed action. It is considered the management system of the brain that helps children plan, organize, and implement on a regular and consistent schedule. Executive function includes a person’s ability to focus, decide what is important, set goals, use prior knowledge, initiate action, manage time, self-monitor performance, use self-restraint and remain flexible.

Executive dysfunction is considered to be present in a number of disorders—ADHD, autism, schizophrenia, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and dementia—to name a few. Difficulty with executive functioning is caused by faulty neural circuitry and can come from a variety of causes, including genetic or environmental factors. It is present in a number of disorders shown to have a high degree of heritability, meaning their characteristics can be passed down from parent to child in some form or another. If your child has executive functioning problems, you did not intentionally cause it.

"Parenting styles don’t directly cause executive dysfunction. However, experiences involving opportunities to learn new things, thereby creating new and strengthening existing neural connections, and structured, secure environments providing opportunities for problem-solving can enhance EF."

There are a variety of tests that evaluate specific executive skills, including the Stroop Task, the Wisconsin Card Sorting Test, Auditory Attention, Inhibition, and the Trail-Making Test, which can provide some valuable information. One caveat is that the outcome may show deficits in the test scores but the scores don’t provide a clear picture of how a child would manage independently in the complexity of a busy school or home environment. An astute psychologist will provide the link of how the low scores may appear as behaviors in the classroom.

There are also rating scales designed to measure executive functioning. Some of the concerns that exist around the various rating scales, like the Behavior Rating Inventory of Executive Function and the Barkley Functional Impairment Scale—Children and Adolescents, have to do with the subjectivity of the rater. A comprehensive evaluation would include the specific EF tests, rating scales, a psycho-educational evaluation, as well as observations and interviews of the student, parent(s), and teacher(s).

GPS: How can parents tell if their child has a problem with focusing and self-monitoring?

JF/MAR: Parents should trust their instinct. If the behaviors below describe your child, then your child may have a focusing and self-monitoring weakness.

The big question for most parents is not, “How can I teach my child to focus, behave, and/or remember?” This is one area in which you cannot do the work for him. You cannot get in his head and force focus; you can simply show him what it looks like and help him develop the skills bit by bit. This takes lots of repetition so try to keep a teaching perspective and not become too frustrated with your child.

GPS: What are some of the proven strategies outlined in your book for improving EF skills in kids?

JF/MAR: It is important to figure out what executive functioning deficits your child has and pick out the ones that seem to be causing your child the most difficulty. Try to identify the level of skill your child does have in those areas and then provide temporary supports or scaffolds. For example, if your child can never seem to get himself ready for school in the morning, provide a checklist with his responsibilities mounted in the bathroom.

It is very important to provide motivation for completing the items on the checklist with minimal or no reminders. Some children thrive on verbal praise, some like the opportunity to select what will be served for dinner, whereas others like to earn time for a preferred activity.

Some children require longer-term strategies, i.e., a system of support, a sustainable system that functions as a tool he or she can complete independently. Many older students use technology tools, such as calendars and reminders, to help then keep up with their responsibilities. Others prefer handwritten to-do lists to keep themselves organized. If a person has a weak auditory working memory, he would write down everything he needed to remember rather than relying on his memory. If a child is highly verbal but has poor organizational skills, he can develop a habit of talking his way through items needed for particular events.

"A caveat about organizational systems—it must work for the child and the way he mentally organizes material. As a parent, you could create a terrific system with expensive color-coded folders for each subject, but if your child can only keep up with one folder divided into sections, then your system will not help him."

GPS: Is it possible for a child with EF issues to lead a happy and successful life?

JF/MAR: Absolutely! The world is filled with highly successful individuals with executive functioning difficulties who have figured out how to harness their strengths and use strategies to work around their deficits. It is important to help children develop realistic expectations for themselves and find satisfaction in using their talents and working around their deficits.

I hope this has helped you to better understand the role of executive functioning in your child’s life and that you can use some of the techniques found here. For a more extensive review, can be found at Amazon or your favorite bookseller. My thanks to Dr. James Forgan and Mary Anne Richey for taking the time for this interview.

This post is a part of the New Zealand Gifted Awareness Week 2015 Blog Tour. For more blog posts on the tour, click on the link below!

Other books by the authors:

(Amazon)

Graphics courtesy of Lisa Conrad.

Title graphic courtesy of http://goo.gl/mih0DV

*Disclaimer: I was provided an Advanced Reader Copy of the book for review by the publisher.

A To-Do List For A Better Life

How much does your to-do list bring you connection, joy, and contentment? What if it did? We all have things we need to get done every day, and if you're like me, you get some satisfaction in checking off the boxes. But at the end of the day, what has it all amounted to? Laundry – check. Work – check. Dishes – check.

The good thing about to-do lists is that they set intentions for us. They give us a clear plan and we can see just how productive we've been as we check off our lists. The bad thing is that if our to-do lists are filled with all work and no play, we may go to bed feeling accomplished but disconnected because our entire day was spent tending to chores and obligations. Being that connection is the heart of my parenting and life philosophy, it's better for me to be more intentional with my loved ones than the seemingly endless list of chores and responsibilities.

How can I make sure I'm building connection and still be productive each day and balance my responsibilities well? How can I end my day with a content heart in addition to a feeling of satisfaction at jobs well done? In addition to adding into my daily chores, I create a separate to-do list each day, and checking off this list ensures that I've focused on the most important people in my life. This to-do list is a set of intentions designed to fill my family's love tanks and build a stronger bond with each of my loved ones.

I typically choose 3-5 intentions each day, and I'm consciously aware of them throughout the day as I set the list in a frequently visited area. When I have done what I intended to do, I check it off with a smile.

Below is a list of intentions you can choose from as you create your own Better Life To-Do List.

1. Notice one positive character quality about each loved one and speak it out loud today.

2. Show delight when my loved ones enter the room – when my children get up in the morning and when my husband gets home from work. Smile, greet them lovingly, and tell them I'm happy to see them.

3. Notice one positive behavior and commend my child for it.

4. Express appreciation for one thing that my spouse does today.

5. Spend at least 30 minutes on the floor playing with my child. Make sure the phone is not within reach and no distractions.

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Playful Parenting Every Day

Play has a wide range of benefits for children. Through play, children release energy, reduce stress, and learn about life. They learn problem-solving skills, exercise creativity, use their imagination, and master new concepts. For positive parents, play has another vital role – it connects parent and child, and we know that . When we take the time to play with our children, we connect on a deeper level. Play offers us the opportunity to gain trust, to laugh and release tension, and to get to know our children better.

As the world whirs around our heads at a dizzying speed each day, we find ourselves rushing through just to get the basics done. Who has time for play? After all, there are much more pressing things on our to-do lists, right? Here are some simple and fun ideas to incorporate connection-building play into your everyday routines.

Bubble Warrior or Princess

You have to run that dish water anyway, so turn this typically-mundane task into playtime by inviting your child alongside you with his or her favorite toys. Between washing plates, pick up an action figure and dunk it in the bubbles, then have a pretend battle in the water.

Bonus: Your child sees that doing dishes doesn't have to be such a chore.

Conquering Mount Laundry

A stack of folded towels becomes a looming mountain filled with adventure! Can Dora reach the top in time to save Boots? Not if the sock monster reaches her first! Look out for the avalanche! Extra time it takes to get the laundry folded – about 10 epic minutes. Love tank refilled? Yes! That's how we get two birds with one stone.

Bonus: She'll probably be more cooperative about putting away her laundry after this.

The Hungry Broom

Mostly, the Hungry Broom is out for dust bunnies, but if he sees a child, that child better run! The Hungry Broom will chase after him, so he'd better run and hide. If he stays out of sight, the Hungry Broom will go back to eating dust bunnies. Alternatively, we play “I'm a little crumb” when I vacuum. Same idea, but my kids are crumbs that must run away from the vacuum! Giggles abound and the floor gets cleaned.

Bonus: You can let your child be the Hungry Broom while you run and hide. Just don't stay hidden too long. They will totally catch on to you if you do that. Trust me.

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